Yep, it's been more dramatic than usual around van Loon Industries Int'l. Actually, I was takin' a little nappy around 4 p.m. yesterday, when suddenly I awoke to the unmistakable sound of my patio furniture being whisked away at 175 mph. Not that I've grown accustomed to that sound. Usually, when my patio furniture gets whisked away, it's alot slower and accompanied by muffled oaths in a south-of-the-border dialect.

Of course, I retreated to the safest place in the house, which was by the large, sliding plate glass patio door. Peeping out, I noticed all the trees and bushes were flapping horizontally to the ground, much like Homer Simpson's tongue does when he's belching. At that moment, Billy the maintenance man knocked on the door and suggested I emerge to enjoy the view of my van peeking out from underneath an ancient pine tree.

We all gathered and milled about in the gloaming, surveying the damage- not terribly extensive, I might add. My van is fine. Sista Rosemary, the office manager, was inspecting the premises and mentioned she had strongly suspected something was up when the McDonald's sign flew by. I learned that 'wow' and 'holy moly' are internationally recognized expressions of wonderment.

A few fine, giant old evergreen trees were uprooted, some signs gone, gutters strewn and flagpoles missing, but all is well. The Firestone across the street got it's front wall busted open, and for twenty minutes we thought everyone in the neighborhood was getting a new set of tires. But no. They scurried around and got 'em all back. Still, I think this may have been God's way of saying to them, $600 was too damn much for the keyboard player's new water pump, bitches.