As you are all probably and painfully aware, the race for the White House started unbearably early.  A YEAR AND HALF IN ADVANCE!!!  So, now I have to listen to countless more "debates" (if you can call them that) about how politicians love children, give stupid reasons why they support the troops more than their adversaries do, why families are so crucial for the development of society, and list reasons why the American people are great (not to mention the whole, "I would like to thank Jesus, my wife and kids, my parents...and so on and so forth).  I have three letters for this:  WTF?!  Who the hell would disagree with them?  No one!  And that's the underlying problem.

What happened to the days when senators would beat each other with canes in the middle of a floor debate?  The only thing I like about Dick Cheney is that he had the balls to say "Go fuck yourself!" and mean it.  I hate fluffy dumbed-down politics, and any senator who stands his ground and doesn't take shit from the competition automatically earns some points in my book.

Politicians these days are too afraid to speak the truth.  They either lie and tell the people, a.k.a. us, what we WANT to hear rather than tell us the truth, or they just dance around a hot issue because they're pussies.  It's even worse when you compare the speeches in primaries with general elections.  In primaries, the candidates say things that they would NEVER say in the general elections in order to appeal to their conservative/liberal constituents.  But when the general elections role around, the opposition uses comments made in the primary elections against their opponents.  "My opponent's stance on the separation of church and state and the Patriot Act clearly indicates that he's a pinko-commie fascist atheist who would spank baby Jesus if given the chance."  But rather than standing his/her ground, the politician under attack pees him/herself and rephrases everything.  John Kerry is a classic example of this kind of dubious slander, and his inability to defend himself made him seem like a waffler.

We need more politicians who are clear and definitive.  At least when we are voting at the polls we will know where the politician stands, other than the fact that he/she agrees that rainbows are inspiring and pretty.  In other words, we need more Dick Cheney-ies(?) (without the evilness).  I am more likely to vote for any politician who has the balls of Dick (that sounds way too wrong) and is honest about his views even if he/she is wrong in my opinion, over a politician who spews out pointless crap (Children are the future! or We need to save social security!).

I remember listening to a Libertarian candidate make the statement that the FDA should be disbanded.  I didn't agree with him at all, but it was such a huge relief to hear a politician speak the TRUTH about what he truly believed in.  Later, a person asked the candidate what the U.S. should do about human rights violations in China.  You know what his response was?  "If you want to change something in China, then go grab a rifle, join a resistance group, and go do something about it" (or something very similar to that).  YES!!!  Sticking to his classic Libertarian ideals, the candidate put the burden of responsibility back on to his constituent.

To me, the politicians who exhibit a great amount of personal willpower and confidence will always have an edge over other politicians who look for easy ways out.  I know many of you will disagree with me and argue that choosing a stubborn politician who fights for the wrong ideals is self-defeating, but, dammit, if this country is going to hell in a handbasket then at least I have the virtue of knowing how it's all going down.  But let me assure you, the person must be ethical at all times.  I wouldn't vote for an obvious demagogue (we don't want any wanna-be Hitlers or O'Reilly's being elected to office).

So here's my stance on this year's presidential race:  The first candidate to beat another candidate with a walking cane gets my vote regardless of what his/her stance is (ethics rule still applies).  Gimme some of that old-time politik!

May the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless all of us in this insane world.

-RAmen