MEME FROM CRAIG:

1.What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?

"This won't make you mad, will it?" I don't know until you ask. And, besides, I'm not that kind of guy. Until you ask me that question. At least I don't think I am.

2. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?

We are all exactly the same weight, height and age. We also married the same woman and fathered the same child.

3. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever had?

Stepped in a hole outside Legends Field a couple years ago. Thought I broke my ankle clean off my leg. Makes me queasy to even think of it. The memory of the pain - and how I had to walk on it about a half-mile to get back to my truck - makes me want to vom.

4. What number of drinks constitutes your limit?

Depends on the beverage. Beer, I can drink all day. Tequila? I get drunk looking at the label.

5. Do you fold your underwear?

Spangled thongs resist conformity of shape.

6. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?

Can't remember. Been a while since my last ransom note.

7. Have you fired a gun before?

I may load a chamber if these questions don't get better.

8. Name someone you consider a genius.

Buster Keaton, Chuck Jones, Chuck Barris

9. What was your favorite childhood toy?

Matchbox cars. Still have a lot of them.

10. Name a sound that disturbs you.

Michelle

11. Name something random that you would never do.

Let my dogs run around crapping in everyone else's yards but mine. Apparently I'm in the minority on this one in my neighborhood.

12. Name a person whose diary you would love to read.

Mine, from when I was about 10.

13. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?

Are you kidding? All the time. Had one for years as a kid about a villain named Mr. Fantastic who could fly and change into anyone I knew. Scared me to pieces.

Then one day, when I was awake, I heard the guy's voice on the radio and just about made me poop myself. It was the guy in Looking Glass who sings, "Brandy, you're fine girl, what a good wife you would be." To this day, I turn the channel if it comes on.

14. Name something that makes you happy.

Watching my son sleep peacefully in his bed.

15. Name someone that made you laugh today.

There's a retiree who lives in an adult condo next to work that I see motoring around on his "mobility scooter" all the time with a chihuahua on his lap. The guy wears the same white crew-neck undershirt, plaid shorts, blue socks and brown shoes every time I see him. And the dog stands on his lap like Rose on the bow of the "Titanic." I imagine the dog is saying, "I'm flying, Jack!"

I saw him today. I don't know if he made me laugh or if that was just my stupid brain.

16. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you do it?

Sure. I saw "Doc Hollywood." What's the big deal?

17. What is on your refrigerator door?

A non-functioning ice and water dispenser.

18. Name the closest thing to you that is green.

A communist Mao hat given to me in college by my friend Sandra when she lived in Hong Kong.

19. If someone who didn't know you had to guess your name, what would it be?

X. Cusemee Sirr, seems to be popular.

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow.?

Correct the punctuation in this question.

21. Name a movie you are looking forward to watching.

"The Simpsons Movie."

22. Have you ever called 911?

You betcha. Rolling a truck in the middle of the night on a deserted road makes that a necessity.

23. Name something about men/women that tends to be true:

The world would be a much less complicated place if men and women left each other alone until they were about 28.

24. Do You Own An iPod?

One that has more memory than my computer. Fat lot of good that does me. Every time I go to sync the damn thing, my PC about needs a truss to carry the load.

25. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?

"The Godfather" parts 1 and 2. We're baptising the offspring in the cinematic waters of the Coppola River.

26. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?

Yes, and the converse as well.

27. What CD Is Currently In Your Cd Player?

Garbage, "Bleed Like Me"

28. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?

YooHoo me.

29. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?

Tons. I'm like a magnet for them. And every single one of them, I wish I didn't know.

30. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?

Had Starbucks? Last month, but it was consensual.

31. Can You Whistle?

Unfortunately. Apparently I do it unconsciously. A digital recorder I use for work recently accidentally triggered in my carrying bag. There was a 15 minute recording of me walking and whistling. I felt 104 years old, like some great-grandfather making a chair in his wood shop. That shit has to stop.

32. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?

I certainly give them plenty reason to.

33. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?

Just about every movie but "Rocky Horror." Seriously. I hate that fucking movie.

Oddly, I'm a total dialogue bitch for "Capricorn One." It's hard to resist committing lines to memory when they roll off the tongues of James Brolin, Sam Watterson, O.J. Simpson, Hal Hollbrook, Brenda Vaccaro and Elliot Gould. Oh, and Telly Savalas.

34. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos?

There are a couple of people I know who could use a sharp punjee stick through the temple. Other than that, no.

35. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?

Lidia. Oh, Lidia. Have you met Lidia? Lidia the tattooed lady?

36. What Did You Do Before This?

Slept.

37. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?

Five years ago during a Cub Scout sleepover underneath a Saturn V rocket at Cape Canaveral. Forgot a plug for the air mattress. Slept on bare concrete. It was not enjoyable.

38. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?

Four.

39. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?

See question No. 20.

40. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?

My Austin Powers answer: "Sex and I get along just fine, baby. YEAH!"

41. Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?

Doesn't everyone sleep standing on one leg?

42. Do you watch the news?

Only when I'm being held as an enemy combatant at Gitmo.

43. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad?

Fredo. He broke my heart. He broke my heart.