Hello, friends:

This Thursday April 23, i will be among several to be honored with the
annual Ferndale Good Neighbor award, at the Elk's Club in Ferndale
(directly south of the Magic Bag).

i've just been told that that i may have additional guests beyond the
original four slated per recipient. So if you would enjoy coming to
the ceremony, please let me know right away. Light refreshments are
provided, and there is a cash bar.

Quite some miracle -- my father confirmed tonight that he will be
attending. It's a Big Deal. When i was kicked out of the family for
being a transsexual, just over five years ago, Dad's primary demand
was that i change my last name. He did NOT want his family associated
with me in any way. In pursuit of peace, i accepted his demand. Sue
gave me HER last name, and for six months i was stephanie trescottt.

Then, that December, HER family found out and strongly objected. For
about ten days, i was nameless, literally "Stephanie X." Very
influenced by Malcolm X at the time, the name "Loveless" was chosen in
inspiration from his speeches.

This is when two years of persistent suicidal planning began for me.

But during this time, Mom and i began via email to renew our relationship.

That Spring -- March through July 2005 -- i made great progress with
my plans to open a free health care clinic in Ferndale. Also, we were
making wonderful strides with transgender activism, which led directly
to the institution of Ferndale's human rights ordinance, enacted just
last year. Because of this and other projects, i got a lot of media
attention.

And the newspapers/TV, etc. properly connected the name "Loveless"
with my former political life as Tom Ness. It's their ethical
obligation -- but dad was FURIOUS. And so the fragile new connection
with my mother was suddenly severed again -- really because of my
desire to make this a better world, where people can see a doctor even
if they have no money and where men who prefer panties to jockey
shorts might not get fired for it.

My new name was made official and legal on June 5.

After three months of being suicidal, Sue asked what she could
possibly do to make me happy again, which led to our being remarried
on June 15 -- the best and happiest day of my life.

Two months later, i received word that Mom was in the hospital and
desperately wanted to see me -- Sue snuck me in secretely, after
making special arrangements with the hospital.....and in the ten
minutes i had with her, Mom accepted me as her daughter. FINALLY!!!
Finally, finally, finally -- everything was going to be okay.

The next day she was dead.

No one even called....but they did call to make sure i would not be at
the funeral or funeral home.

There are oceans and oceans of hatred and anger and revulsion and
shame in those three simple words: "PLEASE don't come."

The one time my father agreed to meet me over the last five years --
he parked across a divided highway just so no one would see him having
breakfast with a transsexual.

But...................................just last month, he was in
Ferndale, at a local art gallery. And FERNDALE FRIENDS came up in
conversation -- and, miracle of miracles -- he WANTED THEM TO KNOW
that i am his child!!!!! He was proud of me!

Stunned when i heard this news, and with his phone calls every few
days this last month (he returns for brain surgery on May 27), i took
a big chance and invited him to this Thursday's award ceremony.
Bracing myself for the painful rejection, Dad did not completely
disappoint, wanting to be sure i wouldn't introduce him. Thanks Dad.
:-) "Everyone, i would like you to know that the man standing in the
dark corner way in back is NOT my father. He is not related to me in
any way and i don't even know what he's doing here." Happy now, Dad?

But i just spoke with him, about his upcoming surgery -- and he
reiterated his plans to attend on Thursday. He will watch his
son/daughter as i am invited to the podium to accept this award for
community service.

It's a Big Fucking Deal for steffie, so be happy for me. Let me know
right away if you want to attend on Thursday.

And -- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE -- continue to pray for my forgiveness,
will you? Each day is worse than the last. i need you now, more than
ever.

Love and thanks,

steffie

PS: Plans are back on for X-OUT, and the sessions start later this week.

Don't Let Your Dreams Get Dusty!