So I just read about enneagrams, and as soon as I started reading about #5, I knew that's where I most closely fit.


The Observer (the Five)

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me
-Be independent, not clingy. NUMBER FUCKING ONE!!! I cannot STAND clingy!! 
-Speak in a straightforward and brief manner. Pretty much like I do...lol
-I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts. I need my alone time for SURE.
-Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable. Or just really high. lol
-Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity. I can usually see through peoples' bullshit.
-If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place. I just really, really hate repeating myself over and over and over.
-Don't come on like a bulldozer. But assertive is still hot :)
-Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy. I dig parties, but not all the time. It definitely bugs me when I hear shitass music really loud. Emotions generally bug me, and if you intrude upon my privacy I will punch you in the throat.


What I Like About Being a Five

-Standing back and viewing life objectively. Most people can't see the forest for the trees.
-Coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects. One of my major strongpoints.
-My sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure. "Think for yourself. Question authority."  Also, most people are retarded, so it's best to not let them influence you.
-Not being caught up in material possessions and status. Don't give a shit about "status," whatever the fuck that is, but I do like me some material possessions :P
-Being calm in a crisis. I'm pretty much always calm.

What's Hard About Being a Five

-Being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world ...Huh?? I'm constantly putting my knowledge and insights out there, ask any of my friends lol
-Feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all I do act like a know-it-all sometimes :/
-Being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be If I say I don't want to do something, I don't goddamned want to do it.
-Watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally OMFG this pisses me the fuck off

Fives as Children Often

-Spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on I don't remember that stuff
-Have a few special friends rather than many I actually think I was more social back then
-Are very bright and curious and do well in school I was a smartass :D
-Have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers They fucking HATE it! I love it :D
-Watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information I've pretty much always felt detached.
-Assume a poker face in order not to look afraid No, that's just how my face looks :/
-Are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict I guess...
-Feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected Ignored/neglected all the damn time. Fuck divorce.

Fives as Parents

-Are often kind, perceptive, and devoted How else would I be?
-Are sometimes authoritarian and demanding Back-talk me and I'll smack the shit outta you, boy!
-May expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate You mean they're not supposed to learn their multiplication tables by the first day of kindergarten...?
-May be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions Only if they're inappropriate. Don't be a crybaby bitch!