dear all,

it's been quite awhile since i've had a solid blog posting... i HAVE an actual real blog site (http://roboticbydesign.blogspot.com) and it's been awhile since i've posted there too!

i've had so much on my mind in the last several months, and it's been interlaced with stress, excitement, disappointment, and humbling experiences. and how can one not be a little if not a great deal nostalgic of the past year with new years right around the corner?

2008 was a learning experience for me;

1. i summed up my entire 2 years of community college & 3 years of the art institute [hell] in 3 short months; from january to march, and then; graduated.

2. graduation; ah yes - the ever looming fear and excitement of something new around the corner, not knowing where to go next - mixed with confidence in oneself, faith that a new career would start.

3. getting accepted to "say design" - a video game design company in aliso viejo - working two months [from home] with new knowledge of industry standards, how things work, and... betrayal.

4. losing my job, getting shafted on pay - all for the sake of bankruptcy and foolishness on their part. i still haven't gotten paid completely for my near half year i worked there.

5. then add 6 months of no jobs. no nothing. no pay. i was nearly starving if it hadn't been for the lovely ms. Q for helping me out [i am forever in debt - and determined to pay you back!]. losing my job was real hard, because i left a so-so paying job that had solid hours [and worst traffic conditions] of over a year. it wasn't any hard feelings, they knew that say design would treat me good (and nearly designer-entry pay too). but the amount of trust you lose in jobs and careers is definitely weighed in the balance when peoples words don't hold any water. i'm more optimistic than i've ever been, but 2008 has definitely been trials, tribulations, and overall challenges of my patience and more importantly; my art skills and my character. my faith and my attitude has been tested, checked, and stored.

i feel like i've had some success to my friends, family, and my attempts at [nearly] everything i needed, wanted, and strived to get done in one year. i actually had wanted to see the family more and travel more - but with no job, things are stripped from you. i sincerely apologize if my attitude has reflected any angst on my part - it was definitely not intentional.

and among the failed career start-ups, i have the recollection of past words of wisdom from my father and mother and my art teachers at home; "you have to start somewhere" "start small" "designers have to work hard to get where they want to go"... but when the gears start grinding, and you are left with nothing but your words, your attitude, your show, and your appearance - it's hard to really face those quotes and know that they mean infinitely more than your art. they mean to test who you are, what you've learned, and what you're willing to give up.

when i was finally given some freelancing opportunities at iipa (international insitute of photographic arts) - i was so stoked for the chance to get back into art again, and stoked that it was in my girlfriend's family's business. i definitely learned some things about how God tests you with your art, and more imporantly; how He tests how you will work in struggling times. i learned that my attitude wasn't up to par.

when i was finally given some chances to sell little pieces of art here and there [that didn't add up to more than dinner for a night] - those were the little pockets of helping hands that He sent down to me, and it made me realize that i might have to do this awhile until the economy boosts again.

and i'm not the only one; more than a handful of personal friends that are in the design field are rarely happy with what they're doing now - struggling for that "career choice", feeling helpless and lost, and/or not having a job at all. my heart goes out for you - because in the end, even though we're friends and we respect each other, when it comes down to it - we are competition. and that's the hardest. you can't put in a good word for you designer friend at your nice job, without risking sacrificing your own stellar position.

but it's not all competition. it's the melody and harmony of life. nothing new-agish or anything, but this is the song and dance that are grandparents would tell us as we sat upon their knees in the wake of childhoodom;

"when i was you're age i worked for 10 cents an hour or sometimes for free, WHILE walking, running, sprinting, uphill BOTH ways to school - and i never got to sleep, EVAAAR"

that's how i feel - this process in my life is one large trial, a never ending trial to overcome until the dawn of 2009 [thank God it's
tomorrow! ha]. the job i have now is a beautiful one, but beautiful in only so many ways. how many school banners and educational cheeseball slogans can you type before you realize that you're job is a replacement for "creativity"? the pay is mediocre if i'm brutally honest with myself, and the patience is killing me.

so there you have it; a bleak, hopeful, patient yet unpatient, excited, exuberant and enthralling outlook on my world in the design-seat as of post-2008 / pre-2009. it's a mouthful, but i'm very curious as to where it will go? i didn't spend 5 years of my life getting to a status-quo of "ooh ahhh you're such a great designer!" to not go anywhere and not to mention spending nearly $150k on throwing that money in the garbage. some people i know personally have told me to have more patience and be calm in knowing i even have a job. they'll tell me "oh seth, you have to start somewhere!". but the problem is; i've been starting somewhere since the dawn of five years ago. i have all the excitement of a teen at a twilight premiere, and the confidence of getting better at what i do.

so, on the dawn of 2009, where the heck is my freaking stellar design career? where the heck is my flying car and jet pack? where is my robot-mistress and my dream-recorders?

as 2008 slips into the history books,
my new years resolution is to do a few things;

1. get some better art;
i mean lets be honest here - my website isn't anything special, and my designs are hurting. and where the heck is my doodling?

2. focus less on friendships and focus more on what i need to get famous;
call me narcissistic or selfish - but i've done more than my share of communication, and when one gets nothing back in return - it's a little silly that my priorities are in things that don't too much weight.

3. lastly; professionalize esskay;
i have a few plans up my sleeve - but they'll be hidden for now until i can get some solid funding... more on that later.

in all seriousness, i'm looking into 2009 with as much bravery as a flamingo in a herd of rhino's.
i'm very grateful for all the friendships i still have, all the experiences and fun i've had with you guys - thank you [in more ways than i can say, count, or do] for the prayers and money and gifts. let's all go on a roadtrip or something...

but in all seriousness,

i have to be back early to start on those art plans ;).