So I’m taking a leaf out of Jo’s book, or blog rather, and writing a note to my future boyfriend.



Hey there Mr. Hottie-man! I’m actually pretty pessimistic about your
existence but, since my friends hold this unshakable belief that you
are indeed out there, I am writing you this note. Think of it as an
instruction manual, or perhaps your new bible.



I do not like big white tees; therefore, please avoid them at all
costs. I know that it gets a little warm during the summer and you’re a
big strong sweaty man, but still, do not put on a big white tee. Wear a
wife beater if you like. That will keep you cool, make you look good,
and the name makes me giggle.



You do not have to say you love me all the time. You do not need to
tell me I’m beautiful all the time. Those things are said very
frequently, and half the time they don’t mean jack shit. If you want to
say these things frequently, that is up to you. This does not mean that
I do not need to hear them from time to time. But please, kiss me
often. Kisses on the cheek will make me smile, and I know how much you
love that. Short kisses, long kisses, sexy kisses - they’re all great.
Kisses on the forehead? Those are my favorite so do not skimp on them.



Please do not keep your eyes open when we kiss. It is extremely creepy.
What do you expect to see, really? I understand that there are special
circumstances, for instance, a very important football game going on
just past my head. In cases like that I will make an allowance.
However, on dates 1,2, and 3 your focus, while we kiss, should be
solely on me.



Do not drink red bull or eat asparagus before we have sex. I do not
think I need to explain this further. This applies to all foul
tasting/smelling foods and beverages. Keep the funk out of your spunk
and I’ll do the same. Thanks.



Please do not try to have conversations with me first thing in the
morning. I am not a morning person, and I do not expect you to be one.
If you do happen to be a morning person, this applies to you. I can do
many things in the morning such as sex and all things related, I can
tell you I love you and I may even hug you. I do not, however, partake
in conversations when I wake up. Give me a cup of coffee, let me have
my morning cigarette, and nobody gets hurt.



Speaking of getting hurt, I may punch you. Don’t be scared just yet! I
am sure that you would never do anything that would consequent violence
but, there are things that annoy me. Do not worry, I have tiny
ineffectual fists. Odds are you will be amused rather than bruised.
But, beware of my “shinners” as they are quite painful.



I generally have a pleasant disposition. I say silly things, tell funny
stories, and laugh at my own absurdity. But, those are some of things
that you love about me, right? I know there are times when I may be a
little fatalistic, or even existential, but that will pass. Just listen
to what I have to say and try to understand me. Holding me and letting
me sit on your lap helps too. It makes me feel cared for and like the
princess you say I am. If I am just in a foul mood(and you couldn't
possibly have anything to do with that) odds are that I am just hungry.
Here is a list of my comfort foods (for reference of course!)

1) Mashed potatoes or potatoes of any form.

3)Spinach

4)Chocolate - all forms.



Please do not give me roses. I find the rose to be the trademark of
unoriginality when it comes to romance. My favorite flower is the
daisy. Preferably yellow. Here’s a rhyme to tell you what this means:

*If the flowers are yellow, you’re going to be one lucky fellow. *

It’s short, sweet, and to the point.



I will not bother you during any sports related thing you watch on T.V.
I am totally okay with being acknowledged only during commercials, and
yes I can talk and get you another beer at the same time. Similarly, I
expect you not to bother me while I watch the girly crap that I like or
while I read.



I think that just about covers it. If there’s anything you need to know
there are plenty of people you can ask. So, you know where to find me
whenever you’re ready to come out and make me yours. Until then, I’ll
be waiting.