I am a sneaky, sneaky son of a bitch...

Oh, no! My sneakiness gets kicked down a peg by openly admitting that I am, by virtue of Providence, sneaky!

Oh, wellers.

*Euphemistic euphemisms!

I don't know why I keep having these dreams, but I feel compelled to share them.

So I was in a building, see, and I see Lady and Madame, you know, some dude's old flames, poking their heads out from adjacent windows. I was like, holy smokes! At that point, I raced to tell some dude of the happenings. Some dude said it was nothing, that they always talked together. As I looked up, Lady and Madame walked off towards a higher level, chatting like elementary school friends.

Actually, that's as good as my dream got. I ended up in a TERRIBLE apartment infested with every insect you can think of. Then, for no reason, I was going to spend quality time with Courteney Cox, but as I tried to persuade her to find another room (it was crowded with dazed people), she vehemently denied. Good thing, too, since I figured she had the cold.* It only got worse. I kind of inadvertently killed John Cena as I made my escape from the crumbling building, so his unruly gang went after me. I managed to escape once, but some asshole found me in the airport. They had a guy blow a poison dart at me, but I managed to pull it off and poison at least three other people with it. They died, and so did I. As the serum worked its way through my bloodstream, I was consumed by a drunk-like daze until I finally collapsed. I woke up with a start. My God, was I hungry.