Maybe it's that I look at each scenario in the wrong light.  Maybe it's that I'm seeing so much negative that negative is all I'm keying into.  Despite how things end maybe the other places I've been, regardless of how similar they were, maybe it's time I look at them differently.  Maybe it's time I see them as success and not failures, because that's the sort of theme that comes to mind repeatedly over these last couple years.  The idea of failure I know comes from the initial dependency that I develop which seems to stunt my growth.  And the lesson is…?

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And maybe that's why history repeats itself.  Even with respect to myself, I'd like to be able to depend on me but that's only when I depend on God anyway.  The outcomes that I want to see require a much greater source then myself. 

Okay, here's a thought.  So if the same scenario keeps repeating itself than (aside from being insane) either I'm doing the wrong things or that I have the wrong expectation of outcome, or a mix of both.  I'm sure it's more a mix of both but the one that stands out to me is my expectation.  If my expectation is something that I personally can achieve then obviously on my own power I can expect that sort of outcome and make adjustments in my own power to ensure that outcome.  If the expected outcome is something that is BIGGER then me that only God - through me - can produce then I should recognize that I cannot rely on myself and my own natural/physical strength and it's insane to continue doing so. 

So, I guess you could say that my expectations have been off only because my Source has been off.  God, help me!