Well, I am so glad there are some repeat students in our class this semester, because I know they feel my pain. I couldn't necessarily explain to my other classmates how I felt, but I am sure they understand.
When I transferred from UofMemphis Nsg School to MCC, I had to start all the way back over to Fundamentals (Foundations). I got through 1st semester, barely, because I was so bored. Now, here I am again in what is basically Adult Health. The monotony is just killing me! Absolutely killing me. When I made the 80 (Which is a D at my nsg school), and saw the repeat of another unsuccessful 2nd semester, I freaked.
Well, here I went to clinicals today. I would give ANYTHING to stop having to do A.M. care constantly. Please, please PLEASE don't think I am proud. I will roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty with the best of them at that hospital. I am not too uppity to help the CNAs or Medical Assts. Heck! I used to be one myself. I understand their pain; however, I am not a CNA in nsg school. I am a student nurse. The bed baths, the linen change, the diaper change,etc are getting so old. Now, eventually, we will have 2, 3, 4 patients and the AM care will stop; however, until that, we're stuck. Then, I'm sitting here and I have given meds since Fall 2006 and then I revert to not giving meds, shots, etc. Then, the having to pretend I am a dumb-ass to the teachers so that they don't think I think I am better than them (You know the whole politics game at RN school...sheesh!). So, here I am, a vet at giving IMs, SQs, even hanging IVs and piggybacks, looking up at my teachers flinching and going "Am I doing this right?"
Then, I had to pass head-to-toe assessments my 1st semester at UofM. Here, it isn't til 3rd semester we do that. I still have to have my teacher standing over me in order to do it. I guess I feel like I am on a hamster wheel. This is why I have busted my ass BIG time to pull that 80 up to a "C" (82) on that next test. If I had to repeat this semester AGAIN (That would be 3 times all in a row!!!!!
) I would absolutely poke myself in the eye! Especially since 2 things happened to prevent me from being a nurse by now when I should have been one. 1) We moved from Meridian, pushing back my entrance date 2) Dr. Luttrell at UofM told me I wasn't smart enough to be a nurse and I probably wouldn't graduate. In both cases I would have been a nurse 1) In Spring 2006 2) May 2008.
So, instead of today being fun (like I feel clinical day is), it was just monotony. And I know there are students there who this is their first time and they need to be guarded over and peeked over. This instills confidence. For me, though...geez. Then, we can't just get on with it. It is so hard right now fighting burn-out. I mean, do you guys REALIZE that with pre-reqs and everything, I have been working on becoming an RN since 2004!!!!!!!!!!
) By all rights, I should be an RN by now. Burn-out is just attacking me left and right. Thankfully, my daddy and husband are really supportive. Gramma, Lauren, Rachie, and Brandie, I know you guys are cheering me on, too (not to mention Kim D., for which if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be sane right now. I just love her to death *wells up with tears*).
Can I just (for a side note) mention Kim D.? Kim is such a special lady. You can see my hugging on her in my Nsg. School photo album. She is ultra-brilliant. I call her the know-it-all, not sarcastically, because she really does know a lot of things. Some due to her experience and some just because she knows them...she is brilliant, I tell you. Not only is Kim brilliant, but she has a heart of pure gold. There were times in 1st semester when I was like "Fuck this" and I would go make up a question to ask Kim for her to answer. Just her calm, soothing aura (Lord, I don't believe in auras, but just for lack of a better term) and her caring heart would set me free from the bondage of burn-out. What is so awesome about this woman is that she has lifted herself from her family verbally abusing her: a beautiful phoenix arising from the ashes of death and decay and hurt AND she is so humble about it, too. I mean, she didn't have to tell me that the love of Christ was in her, because she reached out to me. She is just precious. She is in my clinical group. I know that no one knows this (but God), but if it weren't for her love and care for me...just a touch on the arm or a hug...I would have killed myself last semester. No joke. There were times that I was just going to do away with it. I had a bad time last semester: Teachers were coming down on me, I was burned out, I was apathetic, I was away from my bff, Googly-Bear, my father and stepmother were telling me constantly what an inconvenience I was being, bills were mounting and I was so alone (I felt). Then, I would come to class and Kim (with her precious sweet, sweet heart) would touch me on the arm or see that there was storm brewing in my soul and eyes and would just (out of nowhere) hug me and....boom! I could make it through another day again. I am crying now, because she is just so special to me.
And today..she just made the day better. Don't ask me how...but just her being there...it made the day better.
Anyways, I took care of a sweet little lady and once again I was confirmed. The daughter in the room said, you have a calling on your life for nursing...and not from men, but from God Almighty. Wow.