People don't usually ask this, but they should. Someone recently actually asked me for tips on internet relationships, which I thought was interesting, because it's clear that many folks out there have no idea what's going on, but nobody ever asks. Every girl with an internet profile knows what I'm talking about, but guys, you don't. Let me spell it out real easy for you to start:
The internet is REAL LIFE, with real people. Don't do anything on the internet that you wouldn't do in real life.That said, it is also pretty clear that most men have no idea how it works in real life either. Here's how it works, guys... in step-by-step order so it's easy to understand.
Doing any of these steps out of order will not help you, and skipping steps is what eliminates most of the guys who contact me.1. You meet me by chance somehow. In real life, this is at the store, post office, gas station, at work, or whatever. On the net, this is when you find my profile and decide to write me an email.
2. You make some kind of contact
(click here for more about that issue). In real life, you say hi, talk about the weather, gas prices, or something we happen to both notice. Some of the best conversations start when something unusual happens and two people who share the moment, start talking when they otherwise wouldn't. On the net, you should send an introductory email, perhaps with a photo (of your face). This email should reveal or ask for nothing more than a chance grocery store meeting would.
Under no circumstances, RL or net, should you skip to step 7!!!
*NOTE: at this point, you should determine if I'm married or dating somebody and if I am, you're sunk... don't push it.
3. After you've made your introduction, you need to ask me out. Yeah, ask me out. Seriously, we girls like that kind of thing. It's required. There's a few things you can do here:
A. if it's a chance meeting in a public place, and I haven't walked away yet, you need to either ask me out right then (and have a specific idea in mind, like coffee or lunch, on a specific day), or get my phone number. If I give you my number, you better call. Your time limit is about two weeks, and you need to make a date or do step B.
B. If you got a response to my email or you got my number or we're still standing in the store talking, you should make some interesting conversation. Talk about something specific though. Ask me specific questions and tell me specific things about your life, and the conversation will go well. This applies in email or in person.
4. If I agree to go out with you, you're most of the way there. However, I'm amazed at how many guys screw up this step:
keep the date! I'm tellin ya right now... if you fuck this up, don't ever call again. If you have a real good reason, then you need to make every effort to let me know what's going on before I spend an evening in a $300 cocktail gown and high heels eating Ben and Jerry's and watching TV in my apartment. You need to keep the date... make it definite when you ask, get a firm answer, and be there.
5. Pick me up or meet me on time and have a plan of where we are going and what we are doing, unless I suggested otherwise. How to conduct yourself on a date is an entirely different blog and I'm not going to get into it, but be yourself, be confident (after all, I did go out with you), and don't drink too much or try to get me wasted either.
6. At the end of our date, or close to it, both of us will have made the decision about whether we will pursue 'further action' with the other person. It may be old-fashioned, but I think the guy needs to take the initiative here. Either ask me out again, or ask if I would like to "continue the evening in a more intimate setting". Simply asking, "would you like to go to my place," will do. If your place is inappropriate for any reason, you will have to be more suggestive, but be classy about it please. There is no need to get into a long explanation, just ask if I would consider taking you home with me. Suggest something to do besides sex, like drinks or music or something... anything. An awkward private encounter can ruin your further chances, so if it doesn't feel right, wait. Either way, you should try to continue the relationship with further dates, emails, or phone calls. Don't be too pushy... if you struck out, go away.
7. You should know at this point if you are going to score or not. If you are getting the green light, then it's ok to start doing the things so many guys do way back at step 1 for some dumb-ass reason. Get out your naked photos if you like, be a little suggestive, talk about sex if you want. You should know at this point if I will accept naked photos or not, so please don't be inappropriate. If it's real life and we're gettin it on at my house or yours, I think you can figure it out. I should point out, that agreeing to spend time alone together isn't a 'yes' on the sex issue, but it's close. You'll probly get laid, but please be sure that's what I want. I have taken guys to my place solely for the chance to get to know them better, with no sexual intention. Be open to this, and don't be disappointed if you end up talking for hours and going home. Know that the woman is appreciating it very much.
8. If you get laid, you better call me back. If you don't like me, tell me... don't leave me hangin. If you have sex with a woman you need to call her back and either break it off or arrange to see her again. There's no middle ground here, you either go for it or you don't. Don't be a pussy about it and try to avoid the issue.
9. This is super-important! If you get into a relationship, you need to go back to step 3 (or maybe even 1) sometimes. Personally, I like that part of a relationship, and there's nothinig that can wreck a pair faster than ignoring that fact.
This is a first draft. Please leave your comments and I will revise it. I would love to know what you have to think!
Have a groovy day!
Jasmine