Sydney's becoming an expensive place to live, so I went to the Gold Coast (in Queensland - Another State for you Americans) for a week, to see how life was there, you know to scout it out if you will, and man, it was way more expensive! I got a furnished studio apartment for a week, and each day cost me what I pay rent in Sydney per week! Ridiculous right? It was a nice building though, it had one of those fancy names... The Marriot, or something.

The landlord was pedantic though, every day he would send someone to make my bed. They'd leave a little suggestion form, I was like, yeah I have a suggestion, stay the fuck out of my room.

We went to Sea World while we were there and saw the Imagine Dolphin Show at Dolphin Cove. We sat down, they started to play the intro music with a voice over: Imagine a world that is 75% water. (Me: Isn't that Earth?) Imagine a marine mammal that is millions of years old living in that world. (Me: You're talking about Dolphins, this is a Dolphin show) Now Imagine a place where you can come in contact with this mammal. (You're talking about this place, Dolphin Cove). Not very fucken imaginative. Come on Sea World, what kind of shit are you trying to pull here?

Then they went on: We need 3 volunteers from the audience. EVERYONE in the audience puts their hand up. They pick 3, and then the others that didn't get picked (i.e. everyone else) get asked to applaud at how BRAVE they are. I was like fuck them, they get to play with dolphins, they should applaud me, for not leaving. Come on everybody, look how not jealous Mikey is. Give him a round of applause.

After this they gave us some more info on the dolphins. Dolphins communicate using sonar and ultra sound. Then they get the dolphins to lay on their backs.  Sometimes if we think they may be pregnant, we can give them an ultra sound while they are in this position to see if they are. Wouldn’t this confuse the dolphins? I think it would be cool, if the ultra sound had some weird message. Dolphin: I think they're trying to communicate with us. Ultrasound Machine: Kill Jeff, Kill Jeff. Dolphin: Who the fuck is Jeff?  *** this used to say something about cheese burgers***

They get the dolphins back with their trainers, and over the voice over you hear: Now witness a friendship like no other. Then the dolphins stand around the trainer while he throws them food. This sounds like a lot of the friendships I have.
  Me: Who wants pizza?
  Friends: Are you buying?
  Me: Sure. 
  Friends: I'm in.
  Me: Cool, Now do a back flip.

Later we saw a Polar Bear. It basically slept all day. They had some polar bear facts, did you know that a polar bear can smell a seal from 10 miles away? I thought this was cruel, cause there were seals less than 1 mile away, and that polar bear must have been like, man... I could really eat some seal right about now. Why can't I get out of this habitat? This is so frustrating, I'm depressed, I'm going to sleep.

At sea world they had a monorail train that went around the park. We had just missed it and they had an announcement, 'The Monorail is now departing, the next one will arrive in 5 minutes.' So we waited, and it came, and we got on, and these people were in our cabin. Then as the gates closed these people rocked up and couldn’t get in. I was like, don’t worry, there will be another on in 5 minutes. Then this girl in the cabin interjected '10 minutes, it's 10 minutes.' I was like, 'I'm pretty sure its 5'. She insisted it was 10, so I let it go and waited... for the announcement. After the monorail took off, the announcement went off, and her mum was like 'see, it was 5 minutes'. She was like 'it was 10 before' and I interrupted 'Well its 5 now bitch!' She got served. And .. we got kicked out of sea world. Nah, not really, it just sounds more dramatic that way.

Worth mentioning - Kadz on the Superman Roller Coaster. She is terrified of heights, she just screamed and held on the whole way. What a trooper. She is also terrified of water, which makes me feel like I did better than our 1st anniversary last year, when I took her para-sailing and cliff-snorkling.

Anyways... that was some stuff from my holiday here are some jokes I thought of while I was away:

Does anyone else feel like a junkie when they're standing on a street corner with their phone trying to get a GPS fix? Come on man.. I just need 2 satellites so I can get home.

I'm an Om-nivore. I eat vegetables and Hindus.

I used to have a soul mate, but then I sold my soul to the devil, so.. now they're soul mates.

Any store is a convenience store if they sell what you want and you are near it. Say, do you know where I can buy a LED Sign that says BOB? Try that convenience store right behind you.

I like to dress like a bum, cause sometimes when I'm in the city, people just give me money. Yep, I'm moonlighting as a homeless person. I have to claim it as 2nd income too, I got taxed $2.70 on $6.40. That's fucked up.

I started cycling to work, it gets cold sometimes and my eyes tear up. It must look weird to non-cyclists. 'Look, there goes another cyclist... omg, he's crying too...they must be tears of joy from all that fuel he's saving.. I wanna be a cyclist too!'

I told my friend that I started cycling to work, you know, to get in shape. He suggested I try swimming, so I did, and it is WAY more difficult... especially during peak hour traffic.

Peace,
Mikey

p.s.

I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I didnt so, I just back dated it. I hope no one notices.