It’s hard to know
where to begin but I’ll try to articulate things as well as I can.

  Before I met most of
you, hard to pin point exactly when, but I’ve figured it to be between twelve
and fifteen years ago, I was what some would’ve called a believer. What I would’ve
called it was the happiest time of my life. I had given my life to faith in
Jesus and lived in the Word of God. And great things happened in my life. The
stories are too many to get in to right now.

  But after years of
peace and fellowship, something in my head was convincing me that I was
condemned, that in particular, my thoughts had gone too far.  And eventually, I gave in and just left. I
know this doesn’t explain much but maybe I’ll elaborate on it more at a later
time.

  I’ve made many a great
friend between then and now. But what most people didn’t see or know about me,
was that, once alone, I had a massive spiritual struggle going on inside of me.
One that wanted faith, and the other that told me I was bound for hell because I
was beyond redemption. This went on day after day and hour after hour.

  I thought  it was over and would never be called to
faith again. But recently I have been feeling a tug to go back and repent. The fear
of hell can be a big motivator, but for me it was to reconnect with the love of
God, which was so present for me in the past. I had been trying to contact some
of my old friends in the Faith, looking for some kind of invitation to
return.  But people, and I’m one of them,
don’t  check there myspace like they used
to. So instead of waiting for some invitation I went back to the church I had
left so long ago. And the love of God was still present, and I began to see
that forgiveness was still there for me. I can’t believe how great the Mercy of
God is. I have been fooling myself for over a decade.

  So bit by bit and
day by day I am going to work to restore my relationship with Christ through
commitment. I have a peace with me now like you wouldn’t believe. This is no
lie. I feel a reason to live again.

  I will not be back
to dj on Monday for now, mainly because I have deleted all of my stolen downloaded
music, which left me with about four songs.  And I also won’t be back in the bar scene for
a while. This is not to say that I am suddenly above it all or better than anyone.
In my mind NO ONE is better than the next. 
I just need to rebuild for a while.  I know my propensities.  

  I love so many of
you. And I need to tell you that Jesus is not a joke or a fairy tale. If I can
be forgiven, seriously, anyone can.

Feel free to write me about anything you want. I’m sorry if
my writing isn’t as clear as I should be. I will write more once I get a
chance.