The time is here.

Tomorrow, December 14, 2007, the mustache contest starts.  I've had about 40 people tell me they were participating, so hopefully this weekend a slew of mustaches will be let loose throughout the Gulf Coast, and maybe even nationwide.

I just ask that everyone growing one be extremely careful, especially if you've never had just a mustache before.  You're going to be packing about 300% more testosterone, and not everyone can handle that much.  Last June Chris Benoit decided he was going to take his family to Disneyland.  He wanted to really surprise them, so he decided he would shave off his beard into a mustache before telling them the big news.  But the mustache was too strong for him, and the only trip they ended up making was to the Fulton County Morgue.

To anyone participating in the contest, let me make a clarification.  To enter, all you need to do is send a picture of you and your mustache to christmasmustache@hotmail.com .  But this picture needs to be good.  If it's a picture of you in your bathroom, that shit is not going to cut it!  I need to see you taking this mustache out in public.  The more public a place it is, the better.  Feel free to be creative too, as I am the judge and it's possible I'll be easily swayed by a good picture.  For example, here's a picture of some asshole right after he shaved his beard into a mustache.

Still in his bathroom, probably shaved it off right after he took the picture.  Fucking pussy.

You want to see a winner of a mustache?  My friend Celia's dad, the late, great Dale McIntyre, used to grow a hoss of a mustache back in the day.  Check out this picture of him Celia sent me.

HA!  Pretty fucking good, right?  That's what you should strive for in your pictures.  If it's a picture of you with a mustache and a buddy at McDonald's, that's pretty good.  But if your picture is you and your mustache in a seersucker suit at a Playboy party, then you're probably going to win the contest.

There will be a couple of events going on this weekend if you want to come out and celebrate your mustachiness.  I've somehow managed to finagle my way into the Mobile Christmas parade this Saturday at 1:30.  It'll be downtown, and my mustache will be on full display.  Come look for me; I'll be in the Regions Bank section and I'll be the most Christmassy motherfucker in the whole parade.  Later that night I'll be mustaching it up at the Bike Shop downtown.  My buddy Carson who bartends there is also going to be sporting a mustache, so come join us in the fun.

I'm going to announce the winner Tuesday morning, so make sure you get those pictures in!