my shitty opinions on the movies i have watched over the last week or two.

Bad Taste: peter jackson's first movie. one of my favorites. had a budget of zero dollars. shot on weekends over the course of a few years with friends. should be shown to every new filmmaker looking to shoot a movie with no money. oh, and there's a vomit eating scene. (9/10)

Gutterballs: lots of hype in the horror community over this movie. suppose to be a throwback to the 80s slasher flick. all the characters are annoying. the word "fuck" is used, literally, 516 times in less than an hour and a half. one of the first scenes involves camel toe and two of the characters are snuffed out via a popular sexual position. there's a nearly 10 minute gang rape scene that is extremely difficult to watch. acting is porn quality at best. dialog is knee-slappingly bad. still better than the director's other piece of shit, "live-feed." overall, a cool idea for a movie executed with varying levels of success. (6/10)

Zombi:  italian horror at it's finest. lucio fulci was a genius as far as the horror genre goes. a zombie fights a shark. what's not to love about this movie? last time i watched it, i had the flu and had to watch it between trips to the bathroom to vomit. that has nothing to do with the movie. just thought i'd share. (9.5/10)

Them (aka Ils): french survival horror. many say 'the strangers' basically stole it's plot from this movie. definitely has many similarities. cute couple in the middle of nowhere get tormented for, apparently, no reason by a bunch of hooded strangers. them looks great. some genuinely tense moments. this movie had me until the last 10 or 15 minutes. the big reveal just killed it for me.  (6/10)

Night of the Comet: a comet turns everyone out watching it in to dust. nearly all of those that didn't die because of direct exposure slowly turn in to murdering, flesh eating zombies. two mall loving valley girls are left to kick ass or something. could have been a really fun watch. unfortunately, it really wasn't. lots of nothin' happened. had it's moments, but overall, pretty 'eh.' (5/10)

Murder Set Pieces (unrated director's cut): one of the biggest pieces of shit i've ever seen. hyped for being so brutal, that several major reproduction companies refused to even duplicate it (bullshit). i wrote an actual review of this on amazon. i gave it 2.5 stars. not sure what the fuck i was thinking. creating crap like this should be punishable by death. (0.5/10)

Demons: italian horror from dario argento. a bunch of people are invited to a movie theater to watch a film about a mask that possesses anyone that puts it on. the mask is in theater lobby. someone puts it on. guess what happens next. entertaining. hilarity is only occasionally intended. great special effects for the time period. there's a cringe-worthy scene involving teeth. there were two sequels to this. i suggest avoiding both of them. (7.5/10)

976-Evil: more 80s horror. directed by freddy krueger. a creepy nerd obsessed with his troublemaker cousin calls this number and before you know it, he's possessed by the devil. the nerd in the flick (who also played evil ed in fright night) left mainstream movies shortly after this was made, got addicted to drugs and started doing hardcore gay porn. seriously. he went on to star in such classics as "guys who crave big cocks", "butt blazer" and "uncut glory". anyway. occasionally creepy. frequently hilarious. avoided a few 80s horror clichés. worth a watch. (6.5/10)

My Bloody Valentine (uncut): after 25 years, this classic was finally released with all the scenes cut by the mpaa. there's truly some classic kills in this flick, my favorite involving a laundry mat dryer. thanks, tom savini. decent story. they definitely weren't trying to reinvent the wheel though. (8/10)

The Prowler: again...one of the seemingly hundreds of horror flicks released in the early to mid 80s. special fx by tom savini. generic plot. masked killer seeks revenge for something that happened in the past by killing a bunch of attractive teenagers. not bad. not great either. i've watched it a few times over the years and still get the urge to watch it once in awhile. that says something, i guess. (6.5/10)

Maniac: this movie's a cult classic. revered by many horror fan boys as one of the greatest genre movies of all time. if you've ever wondered how a serial killer spends his days, this movie's for you. it's no secret who the killer is and you spend much of the movie in his head. unlike murder set pieces, this movie actually did create a bunch of controversy when originally released. it was banned from many theaters across the states and across the majority of europe. joe spinell (the godfather) does a fantastic job as the mentally and sexually fucked frank zito. basically, this is a joyless and very difficult watch. after my first viewing, i remember just kinda staring at the dvd menu for awhile unable to really comprehend what i had just saw. i only just recently watched it again and, immediately following it's completion, wondered why i had subjected myself to it. with that being said... (8/10)

Rogue: directed by the guy that did wolf creek, a well shot snoozefest. a bunch of tourists take a cruise through kakadu national park in the australian outback. the tour takes a detour when one of the passangers spots some emergency flairs just as they reach the end of the tour. much to dismay of several of the passangers, they decide to investigate. the sweet ass pontoon is attacked by a gigantic rogue crocodile. oh crikey (!!!) the gaggle-o-fucked-tourists make it to a tiny (picture "room for 10") island but need to escape before the ever-rising tide forces them in to the water with the monster croc. well shot. decent story. above average acting. sparsly used gore, which makes it much more effective. the cgi is top notch as well.... especially for a movie that had a very limited theatrical release. overall, highly entertaining. (8/10)

Repo! The Genetic Opera: first off, if the title didn't give it away already, this is a fuckin' "rock" opera, there is absolutely no spoken dialog in this movie. unfortunately for anyone with decent taste, every single goddamn song in this thing sounds like fuckin' evanescence. aside from the 10 minutes bill mosley is in this and the scene where  paris hilton's face peel off, this movie was a waste of a great plot. the writers destroyed this thing with laughable lyrics sung over one of the worst genres of music ever. (3/10)

Eden Lake: one of the few dimension: extreme movies that isn't a complete pile of shit. an attractive 20-something couple heads off to a remote area for some relaxin' and romancin' only to have their party crashed by a bunch of loud, obnoxious, fuckwitted, troublemaker tweens and teens. the male hero confronts the kiddies who are less than impressed. the kids steal the couples' car. couple finds car and kids. male confronts leader of the lollypop guild and during a scuffle, accidentally kills the kid's doggy. uh-oh. the remainder of the film revolves around the munchkins chasing, torturing and tormenting the couple as they try to escape and find help. well shot, edge of your seat tension with an ending you don't really expect. (8.5/10)