So it's my 23^rd birthday, and the day just wouldn't be complete without skewering a horoscope in traditional Z. Rice fashion. Anyway, this horoscope hails from the Los Angeles Times, and is the "Today's Birthday" portion:

     This year brings the perfect mix of whirling excitement and cozy comfort, as your personal life expands and settles in at different times of the year. You'll make three important new friends before the new year begins. Your living situation becomes more accommodating in March. Travels thrill you in August. Gemini and Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are 25, 3, 13, 28 and 48.

Damn…just one more lucky number and I could play the lottery…oh, well. Anyway,

     This year brings the perfect mix of whirling excitement and cozy comfort, as your personal life expands and settles in at different times of the year.

You know, a year is a really long length of time. You could probably say this about every year of your life and be right.

     You'll make three important new friends before the new year begins.

Hmmm…that's only two months off. Any suggestion on who they might be? Interestingly enough, I can think of exactly three guys I work with who might fit this (Patrick, John, Orlando), but I suppose we're already friends. I mean, we only see each other at work, but we get along well. And actually, there are a few more whom I talk with as well (Pamela, Manuel, Brian, Quinn, Majid, Rachel, Camille, Bianca, and probably a few others I can't think of at the moment). In fact, is anyone not acquainted with at least three people that they could strike up a friendship with? Again, vagueness.

     Your living situation becomes more accommodating in March.

Not likely. Unless I win the lottery and am able to move out. Not that I'm unhappy here at home, but I'm 23 and should be moving out of my mom's house. Unfortunately, certain financial obligations mean I'm stuck here for at least two more years. Actually, March was what I was projecting to be the first month for me to be out of a couple of obligations (credit card paid off, income taxes paid because I know I'm going to end up owing several hundred dollars, not having to save up to buy Christmas presents). So, they get one right. On a 1/12 chance. Out of how many things they've predicted? If you shoot craps, you will eventually come out with double-sixes, even if it is relatively rare.

     Travels thrill you in August.

Where am I going? How will I get there? Will there be girls? Please, I REALLY NEED TO KNOW.

     Gemini and Libra adore you.

According to the page, Geminis are born between May 22^nd and June 23^rd, and Libras are born between September 23^rd and October 23^rd. Nope, can't think of anyone who has any of those birthdates (though, granted I don't know all the birthdays of the people listed above).

Ironically, the Sun is actually in the constellation of Libra right now (and was on 11/10/85), meaning that I am technically a Libra, not a Scorpio. And I do adore myself. Apparently the universe only cares about how things were a few thousand years ago, not today. I wish I was born between November 29^th and December 17^th. During those dates, the Sun is in the constellation of Ophiuchus, the Serpent-Bearer, which isn't recognized by astrologers. If I were born during those dates, I would tell people that my sign was Ophiuchus and confuse the hell out of everyone.

Really bizarre side note: The Sun travels though Ophiuchus right after it travels through Scorpius, and spends more than twice as much time there. Yeah, it takes only eight days for the Sun to travel through Scorpius, but eighteen days to go through Ophiuchus. These constellations are the lowest two in terms of the amount of time it takes the Sun to travel through them. We Scorpiuses (Scorpii? Scorpions? Oh yeah, "Scorpios" apparently…) are dead last on the list. We suck (although not really because most of us are actually Libras. Only those born on November 20^th, 21^st, and 22^nd are really Scorpios. Suckers).

     Your lucky numbers are blah, blah, blah, dingily-dang.

There isn't a real pattern as far as I can see. The lowest common denominator for all of them is 109,200. Maybe that's the year I'll die (making me 107,215 years old). Isn't 13 and unlucky number? What about 3? Does that mean I'll get to have a 3-some this year? Maybe a 48-some…that would be sweet.

Anyway, that's all for this year. Maybe on my 24^th birthday I'll review this post and see how accurate it turned out. I mean, if it's really relevant, you should be able to do that right? Right?