So Kent, our drummer/singer, is working at his lovely South street branch of Starbucks when he happens upon one of his customers who is also a representative for ReachOut International Records (ROIR).  His name is Nick Cooper, and by pure chance he enjoys guitar music.  Kent says, hey Nick, wanna buy some *Censored*?  Nick says, Send me some music.

Several months pass, and Kent does little more than mutter under his breath about Nick's request, completely forgetting what Nick said he does or who he is.  So I eventually send our music to Nick and several of Kent's friends.  To my surprise, a Mr. Nick Cooper returns my e-mail, explaining that I'm a super-genius with big ideas, and can I save the music industry single-handedly from certain ruin.  I said what any man would say.  I said, I'll see what I can do.

Many misadventures and tea time chats later, Nick and his brother submit to us the befabled RECORD CONTRACT.  Now all we need to do is find an entertainment lawyer who doesn't also sell vacuum cleaners from the back of their minivan.

So there you have it, readers.  Some very simple steps to follow here, and for that advice: you are welcome.

(Please note that I am now contractually obligated to use at least one emoticon at the terminus of every paragraph or textual statement relevant or otherwise to ROIR or Univox, used in context of the internet, text-message, letter, cave-painting, oil-based crayon drawings, Light-Bright, or any unforseen future technology in all possible realities in perpituity throughout the universe.)