I hung out with a friend of mine that I'd hadn't hung out with for a while tonight. She has been seeing this guy for a while. We had started to see two different guys at the same time.Well her guy was awesome and they hit it off really well. Me on the other hand had just come out of a 13 year relationship and I was a totall greenhorn. My guy was narcissistic, childish, and without consious. Her man from what I could see was caring and perfect. My relationship didn't last long with my wishful thinking boyfriend and we broke up about 3 months into the relationship.
I became really jealous over my friends relationship. The main reason being that they had started at the same time. the longer that she was happy and me alone the more I felt like I had been cheated. It sounds selfish, and it is, but that is the way I am. I would get drunk and ask her why she was so happy and I was stuck in stupid. She always replied that she had gone through a lot of shit to get to the one she was with now.
Well I saw my friend tonight and she and her boyfriend had broken up. I mean REALLY broken up. Come to find out that what I had thought was a perfect relationship was nothing like that. They had nasty fights, even to the point of him putting his hands on her. Finally she got tired of it and left him. Here I was jealous over this sham of an relationship.
It really goes to show you. The grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. Here I was thinking that everyone was happy except me. That there was something wrong with me because my relationships didn't work but everyone else's was peachy. In reality I have discovered that not only are the pieces of shit that I have gone out with no different than the pieces of shit my friends date but that apperently I have a grand amount of self esteem. Who would have thought? I refuse to be with someone who is manipulative or controlling. Therefore I end up alone more often than my friends.
In my 32 years of journey I have finally found someone who loves me for me, doesn't try to tell me how to be, is understanding, and full of self confidence. I am happy and he is happy. Together I'm sure that we will make the world jealous. But fuck I DESERVE it.