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Dedicated to those stupid enough to Sit and talk to me for hours about their currant 'flavor of the week/day/month' or even let me see them obsessing on bullitans, messeges, away messeges, texts, ect...Sorry it's kind of long, I'll be amazed if anyone actually reads it all.
In one of those blogs katie has up, it talks about love. Shit. I've been talking to so many people who are 'in love' these days. Love isn't something that just goes away. It isn't something that you forget. You don't move on the next day, or week. Or even next month. You don't go find someone else to make that person you love jelous, and even if you look, you can't really be with that new person. It doesn't feel the same. Yes, sometimes you do get with someone else, but fuck if something isn't missing. If you don't feel like something isn't right, even if it's deep down and miniscule. And seeing that person with someone else...it bothers you. If you see that one person, your heart just knows, and it doesn't let you ignore it. Not forever at least. You can say you love your bf/gf But don't say it becuase you are dating. Don't say it becuase you want to, don't say it becuase that person is there, because you feel you should, because it's 'right' because that person loves you. Fuck. Say it becasue you feel it. And not jsut in the moment, all the time. I don't care if you say not being with someone anymore means you don't love them. I fell in love with my first boyfriend, and we broke up. 2 times, in fact. I still love him to this day. I still miss him, and what we had. It's true, I know he didn't love me back. But he and I are still friends, and I still feel something when I see him. Though that in No way means I would EVER be with him again. But I can say I love him. And that won't change. There is another love, but I won't go into something that sore on something this public. All I'm saying is....don't sit next to me and tell me how much you 'love' your currant beu (however you spell it) but last week you loved someone else, and next week you'll love this one's sibling. Don't tell me after 3 months, you are going to go get married, but you know nothing about your other half. Don't say you love somone you are dating online, jsut because they said you are pretty. Or hott.
Love isn't about being perfect, or looking good together (those ones still bother me) it isn't about sex. It isn't about honesty, even.Fuck. It's not even about trust. It's about being able to sleep next to that person, curled up, and its the most comfortable you've been, even when you get all cramped up. It's about being able to kiss that person in the morning, regardless of their breath. It's about being comfortable enough with each other that you can run around naked and not be fucking, can sit in a room together, doing things on your own and not really talking, but still feeling like you are together. About dropping everything you are doing, just to walk or drive miles to see someone, only for a smile. Only to be a crying shoulder. That no matter what, you still wanna be near that person, even if you can't bring yourself to really BE with them. About thinking of soemthing that upsets you, and knowing exactly who you want to talk to. Even if you know that person won't care about it at all. About exspressing your feelings without having to always vocalise. About vocalising anyways because you can. About even if something is wrong, there is tension, or you are insanly mad at/depressed because of/hurts to be around that person, you go to them. You want to make an excuss to see them. Even if it kills you inside, you smile and act like you're completely fine. Because at least you are there, you are with them. You are talking to them. Love isn't something you can just get and lose. It lingers. It reminds you of itself at odd times, and makes you think of things you may or may not want to think about. It's good, or it's bittersweet. You may not be ready for love when it happens to you. You may not know what to do with it. I sure as hell don't. But, Fuck. I'm sick of all these people who throw it around; confuseing lust, need for companionship, lonleyness, desperation, infatuation, financial need, free rides, or 'honor' for what really is love. IT's soemthing that happens very rarley, and it's not a touch and go thing. It grows stronger with time, and not becuase someone says "I love you" Most people who feel it never fucking tell a soul. Many never tell the person they feel it for.
honestly, being in love doesn't mean that you are sure all the time. It doesn't mean that that person can never hurt you. Everyone makes fucking mistakes, and if you sit back and really look at it, you can move past that thing, no matter how much it hurt, or pissed you off. Sometimes people have bad judgement. There is a reason we humans can regret. And it doesn't mean that you will be able to conquer all. It takes work, and people in love can be driven apart. It isn't the glue between the relationship, it's the feelings that start it for real, and make it worth it in the very long run. It's the little things. You can be completely heartbroken by someone you love, and still love them in the end. Though tv says it, love can't be everything, people have to help, and some aren't up to it.
So dating someone doesn't mean plan a wedding. It doesn't mean make a life. It doesn't mean that you should instantly start saying I love you. It doesn't mean that after you start fucking, you are in love.
Yes, I know that some people I talk to really are in love. I realise taht it does happen. If I can fall in love, then someone else can. Most of the people I know in love though have made a real run of it, and nothing about the relationship has been perfect. Most of them never even dated the whole time. It takes WORK. I guess I don't liek the way love is looked at now. It's not movie-perfect. It's not hallmark. It's not anything, and it's everything.
Alot of this blog is just me bitching about things people tell me that 'prove' they are in love. Or things from my personal expiriences, or those of people I know well, and have observed over several years. It's educated guesses, and some psychology references. It's feelings and observations. But I can tell you, it's more than most people ever think about.
12:01 PM
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