Oddly, MySpace does not have a Category for family.  Or maybe not so odd. But on this Thanksgiving I fel like I needed to break my writing silence and send a note out to my family members, those still here and those that have passed.

Probably even less of a surprise than MySpace not having a family category is that fact that a huge part of me does not want to grow up.  I look at people my age and call them "older." Sorry, but I just do not see myself resigned to certain aspects of life that other 42 year olds seem to be.  Not that I am not responsible or shirk what I need or should do at my age. Far from it. But at 42 I am the oldest in my immediate family and on a day like today that hurts even more.

My grandfather was my mentor, my hero and my best friend growing up. My urge to travel and my understanding of people of all walks comes from him. He was a truck driver and every single summer growing up was spent going from state to state with him. Seeing the world so to speak. He was the one who at 2 years old was trying to teach me football. Today him and I would be sitting watching football together and yelling at the TV.  His role was to carve the turkey.  He had an electric knife in a case that he made a big show of assembling and then cutting. Setting aside certain pieces for different people as is the right of the carver. I honestly believe it was one of his favorite holidays as family meant the world to him.  I miss him.

My Gammy, as I called my grandmother, would be the one to cook. Half Chinese and half British our meals were always an interesting melange but Thanksgiving was traditional. No one could make gravy like her! No one could lap it up like my Grandad either. Every year the same dishes and every year delicious. She barely ate as I recall but I know we were all thankful of the work she did in the kitchen. Thankful for all that she did for each of us. I can't say she was happy to be where she was as she missed her family back in England and wanted to be back there. But she loved her family and would take care of us however she could unselfishly and constantly. I miss her.

My mom passed away last year at 58 and with it her sweet potatoes that we all loved.  I grew up with her parents so I think it was kind of awkward when she came over.  Now that I am older and can look back at it.  She was more like an older sister to me because of that.  It was not until both my grandparents had passed that she felt more like Mom. She had an old farmhouse in Jackson, NJ that we would have Thanksgiving at some years. The kids table was an old butcher block and we all had a great time. It is hard not to be able to pick up the phone and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving.  Just don't do it while WNEW was playing Alice's Restaurant!

My Dad was lost in Viet Nam when I was two so there are no holiday memories there other than always wishing he was there. To this day. Don't ever ask why I vote the way I do. To me, most any war is going to be senseless and I can't help but feel for all the additional families over the last few years that have to have a hole in their hearts and their lives for "freedom."

My siblings are each different.  I got a text this morning from my sister at 8AM.  That is her way. She is the youngest but has become the Mom to us all. My brother who is 41 will probably not call so I will later. He will most likely bitch about the football games, his wife and put on another 10 lbs. His kids will be there right with him at least on the bitching at the TV part. My other younger brother is in transition. He is living in central FL and trying to find work as he can and kick a lot of bad habits that he has picked up each year since his 18th birthday. He has recently found God and I think that addiction may replace the others so I am happy for him. He is smarter than most give him credit for but is probably the most emotionally scarred in the family. And that is saying a lot. I wish I could have a Thanksgiving with all of them.

My kids are in Reno with their mother.  It is them that I probably miss the most. Gavin is now 3 and his personality is truly shining. For better or for worse as he seems to be a little me.  I never thought you could love someone in such a way as you do your own children.  Matin is now 1 and I got to spend a month with her for the first time in October and feel in love with her on top of the parental love. Two more holes in my heart but they are amazing kids and I happy and thankful to be their father.  As Gavin says, "My Daddy!'  Matin's version, "Da Da!"  Two sounds missing this Thanksgiving.

I have had various incarnations of family in my lifetime since I moved away from NJ and my immediate family members after college. Life is what you make it and I have had a lot of great Thanksgivings to recall. For all of those that have shared those with me, in whatever manner, thank you. Some I would relive, others I probably would pass on but I appreciate the memories and miss each person in one way or another.

This year is a new experience with a new family. I look forward to new traditions and new bonds and moving forward. Life is not easy and those that know me well know some of the harder things I have endured in the past two years. Those have left me scarred but stronger and more patient. I am thankful I have people around me to love and who love me. With love anything is possible. The love that still exists for all of my family members means that they are here with me despite being gone from this Earth. They all live in my memories and it is time to add even more of those holiday memories to the collection.

I hope everyone enjoys their family this day. If there is someone you have not spoken to in a while, pick up the phone and call them.  Life is short. One day you will wish you did and people do not stick around forever and each day should be spent making memories to think back upon later in your life.  I am thankful to have a lot of great ones.