Some time ago when my Uncle Sterling died, it was brought to my attention that President Boyd K Packer proclaimed that funerals are NOT supposed to talk about the person, or eulogize them, etc. In "The Unwritten Order of Things", President Packer seems to take this to an extreme in my opinion. He says that the Family members shouldn't be ALLOWED to choose who will speak, or for how long or on what they should talk about. He even goes on to say that funerals should really only talk about the Atonement, resurrection, how WE have the truth in this church etc and to use it as a missionary opportunity.  We're NOT supposed to talk about the person who died, or their life, etc. He actually said that if someone tries to talk about him at HIS funeral that he'll raise up and correct them.

I personally think President Packer is overboard on this one by stating his personal opinions as if they are churchwide policies from the Lord that should be followed (It should be mentioned that Packer's policies are actually stricter than the General Handbook of Instructions). If funerals quit talking about the person, stopped being eulogies, or funny and good stories to remember the person, etc and only talked about church stuff and simply being held to try to convert the non-members in attendance, I know that I for one would NEVER go to them anymore...that's what I go to church for.

I was extremely pleased to see that Packer's policies were NOT followed for President Hinckley's funeral.  In fact, though not a big deal, the General Handbook of Instructions' policies weren't even strictly followed (videos/slides were actually used against handbook policy).  Hinckley's funeral was a good tribute to a remarkable man, though it certainly was a eulogy.  In my opinion, funerals would really SUCK and be nearly pointless to attend if you weren't allowed to talk about the deceased at all as Packer has suggested.

For me personally, I'm not saying that I want people to only say GOOD things about me at MY funeral, on the contrary, I'd prefer something ala "Speaker of the Dead" if it were possible for someone like Ender to actually do it right.  For those of you who haven't read the Ender's Game series (I would highly recommend it), in that book, "Speakers" research the dead person's life and give a speech that attempts to speak for them, describing the person's life as he or she tried to live it. This speech is not an apology/defense, but rather a way to understand the person as a whole, INCLUDING any flaws or misdeeds.  Several years ago, my good friend Wendy who knew a lot of my good and bad, intent and all, once said that she'd be willing to do a "speaking" on me some day because she probably understood me the best based on everything we'd talked about and been through.  If it could be done right, I'd totally love to have a real funeral like those in the books.  Unfortunately, such "speakings" seem to take a while to compile correctly and clearly.  Maybe a person realistically has to write thier own "speaking" but then it's so easily subject to unitentional bias, whether intentionally or not.  Maybe some of my family and friends could do a decent job at it if they worked together.

Regardless, not that I intend to die soon, but I still want to make it CLEAR to people I know that they are NOT to follow President Packer's policies for MY funeral even if it has to be held out of a church building and by someone other than the Bishop, etc...the General Handbook states that the Bishop is in charge and decides EVERYTHING if it's in the church (which could lead to unwanted policies), so IF it MUST be held elsewhere to be done properly, then so be it...otherwise it doesn't matter.  At the very LEAST (if not a real "speaking" as mentioned above), I'd prefer funny stories about me, even embarrassing stories, good memories, things I was known for, the type of employee I was, etc. Sure, of course church/gospel stuff and my beliefs, etc were a big part of my life...I mean I was/am absolutely obsessed with church history for example.  It has literally consumed my life in MANY ways as many of you know...but such things like gospel subjects should also be put in context with the rest of the funeral RELATED to the deceased (which is the ACTUAL reason people came in the first place).  When I go to funerals I go with the intention to remember the deceased and their life, who they were, how they lived, etc.  A memorial, tribute, etc.  Not to hear a Sacrament meeting talk or missionary discussion that's unrelated to why we all showed up.  The absudity!  I assume others would come to mine similarly.  The best funerals I've ever been to (like that of my friend/Co-worker Kristen as a GREAT example) have followed the things discussed in this paragraph.

You know, for Joseph Smith's funeral, he had everyone dress in ALL WHITE instead of any black. I would prefer that as well.  Not that I expect anyone would go through with it (maybe if it was announced in the obituary or something), but the whole "everybody dress all in black" for mourning thing is kinda creepy weird  to me to be honest.  I've never really understood the point.  I LOVE the all in white idea that accompanied Joseph's funeral.  That's so beautiful!

Also, I wouldn't MIND if I was cremated into one of those new lifegem diamonds or something similar/cheaper instead of the traditional methods which typically cost more overall both economically and environmentally in the long run.  I think lifegems are kind of cool, and much better than traditional gravesites, etc which will eventually inevitably cause a problem with population and environment issues, etc anyway.  Meh, do whatever you guys want with my body when I'm dead.  I suppose it doesn't matter to me at that point.

You know, an LDS author once suggested that everyone should write out their answers to the following questions for their own benefit (feel free to respond in the comments or your own blog):

What would you like to be said about you at your funeral?
What do you EXPECT to be said about you at your funeral?
From a Family member?
From a Co-Worker?
From a Friend?
Any others in particular?
Anything specific you want done at your funeral?

Perhaps I'll answer those myself in a future blog.  I've been meaning to do that for the last 9 years now since I was first asked to do so, and haven't gotten around to it yet.