Ok, so I have said numerous times that I am not perfect, and that I will never be perfect.  Likewise if I never understood something, I asked questions until I finally understood.  So why then do I find myself trying to find clarification surrounding several recent events that have happened in my life over the last few weeks?

For instance why would someone have to make up stories about you, to try and make you look horrible in the eyes of your friends.  How pathetic is this person's life that he has to make up stories about me, and tell these bullshit lies to several people that he knows talk to me on a somewhat regular basis? How the fuck old are we; are we still in high school or are we adults? Last time I checked I was 27, and as far as I knew once you hit 25 (of course this will vary from person to person) you were now an adult, working a 9-5 job, and pretty much done with all of the petty childish games that you used to play and be caught up in, but apparently thats not the case.

Likewise, what in the hell do you do when you have someone that you care about very much, who is doing something that the both of you know is not at all healthy for them, and despite all of your dispensed advice, they just don't seem to give a shit if they live or die? Or what do you do when they tell you the one thing that they want you to do is the one thing that you are not willing to do? Do you give in and said fine I'll do it, or do you stand tall and hold your ground and say do it yourself? At what point in our lives do we say it is time to do things for myself I can't be lead by the hand anymore? Does this point ever come?

Furthermore what do you do when a 'so called friend' starts causing problems? Tells people to go to hell, and then either within the hour or the next day calls you up and apologizes telling you that they can't live without you in their lives? Or they go off on random tangents that they just yelled at you about going off on? How about the fact that you make plans with a friend, and then this particular friend tells you one thing, then gets pissed off at you for flaking out on them when they told you they were going home to begin with? This friend claims that they don't like drama, hates you at times because they feel that you are an asshole who is causing unneeded drama (not to mention is under the delusion that you are in denial about your true feelings for this person), is the one person who is causing the most drama to begin with.  Why is that drama queens are always the ones who say they hate drama?

And finally, when is it ever ok to feel paranoid? You start to suspect that 2 people that you work with are out to get you, because everytime you work with these 2 people they always leave most everything that needs to be done on your shoulders, while they sit back and relax take/make personal phone calls, b.s. with one another, and then complain or get pissed off because its taking you longer than they would like to be at work? Do you approach them directly, or do you go higher up the chain of command? Should I feel bad for saying something when I see either of them sitting around doing nothing?

Needless to say I have not been in a good mood lately, but because I have had a lot of experience in theater, I am good at acting as if everything is fine.  God I hate people!

Always And Forever,

 ~The Shadowed One