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On behalf of Tim, Cliff and My Self.....
"Lilith Fair Tattoofest 2006"
AKA
"A dildo, a Chino, some Fem-Nazis & a Bike"
This convention wins The Cliff's Ass Award.!! They reached an Amazing 5 Asses ....... (__i__) (__i__) (__i__) (__i__) (__i__)
So the 'Marked For Life' tattoo convention....the "All Female Tattoo Convention" in Orlando...completely sucked. This is a convention in which women segregate themselves to spotlight their "Tattoo Talent". Apparently we were invited to this convention to provide entertainment to the Clients and to donate money to the Shriners Hospital.
The deal was in order to attend, we from Kid Pain (all guys) had to dress in drag. No problem, right? Funny, right? Funny like a kick in the BALLS funny and sense we were the only one with THE BALLS we were the main targets. These fucks put us in the far back corner of the room, and then proceeded to basically treat us like complete shit. If I had a dollar for every "You look lovely ladies" or other smart-ass remark I got from these Feminazi shitheads we received, it woulda paid for the booth.....because fuck knows the amount of traffic coming through there to get tattooed certainly didn't!! No, instead we got plenty of pictures taken of, and with, us and got pelted with shitty, half-witted remarks all fuckin day. Not only that, their staff was completely unhelpful and unfriendly when it came to Autoclave and Thermofax as well! Tryin to get somethin thermofaxed for transfer at this thing reminded me of askin for a pizza-lunch back in school...no smiles, no friendliness, just a mean old bulldike that doesn't like her job tryin to find reasons to give ya shit! They were dead-set on just makin us feel as unwelcome as possible....but this was just the beginning!!
Saturday night was to prove that not only were this group of dickless has-beens and their would-be biker husbands completely unoriginal with their wit, they also sucked in the partying department as well!! There was NO afterparty to speak of whatsoever!! But we weren't to be stifled by this group of PC assclowns and their familiars....in fact, by the time Cliff and myself stopped to look around at where we were at, we'd COMPLETELY out-drank not only the entire convention, but the ENTIRE HOTEL!! We realized this almost as an afterthought, compared to our contempt for the treacherous Chino!
Ahh, Chino....I almost forgot! Cliff and I were supposed to crash in Chino's room, on the floor...he gave us the ok, and loaned us his roomkey....we moved all of our crap in there, and even set up a nice little spread of alcohol in the bathroom sink. Well, this apparently wasn't to be, either....Chino and his henchman (known only as Val Kilmer) had a change of plans....so we were made to crash with Aaron and Deedee ON THE OTHER END OF THE FUCKIN HOTEL. Luckily we got to Chino's room in time to salvage most of our alcohol....apparently they thought we'd left it for their exclusive use! Fuckers....the jury is still out on what is to be done with Val and Chino.(were commin for you gernade jumpin fuck faces)
Apparently, though getting our alcohol back from Chino and his cronie was gonna prove to be the only good luck we had of any kind this weekend...
(Special notes from Aaron)
The politics at these conventions always sucks, but this one was by far the worst especially where we were concerned. ALL the judges were MEN, so ironically, women entering art were fucked. Most of the prizes went to men that didnt even work the show. My shot at bringing a trophy home was fucked.....all entered tattoos had to be completely healed. BULLSHIT.....who the fuck does that? Not all the people in the show were local, so this means most of all the winners were local men who had their clientelle go to this convention and enter tattoos for them. To top all this off Deana, the woman running this flea market money making scam was a fucking bitch on wheels all weekend!.....and she wasnt even gay!!
We ended up losing our asses on this.....NEVER AGAIN!!
FUCK YOU DEANA!!!!! Thanks for the fucking invite......next time i have the urge to be ridiculed and lose a bunch of money, ill give you a ring. Till then keep up the good work selling trinkets and sweet keychains you SWAP SHOP WHORE!
We have offically been "marked for life".....or "scarred", thats more appropriate.
In closing ..... Even though we were invited. We were certainly Not Welcome.. OH and all your damn bikes (5) Sucked ...they all looked like shit and not one has escaped being layed down on the
3:39 AM
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