I am Crazy.
Bipolar, Intense, Hyper sensitive, etc. U know. The whole deal. Nutcase.
I have days when I feel like the world is my playground. Every thought manifests effortlessly and just by being me, everything falls into place perfectly.
And then I have days when I am so depressed that I can't get out of bed. The world hurts. People in it hurt and I feel everything.
Today was one of these days.
I had a mad fight with someone I really love so I took a sleeping pill and crawled into bed to not deal with anything. I didn't think I would ever escape like this again or get this down but I guess I still have issues from a long time ago I need to work out.
Anyway,
I was woken up by a friend of mine. Someone I haven't spent a lot of time with but someone who has been more influential to me than most people I have met.
Him: Hi Kerli. How are you?
Me: I'm good. No. Actually I am not good. I feel horrible. I can't get out of bed.
Him: What happened?
Me: Nothing, really. Just one of these days.
Him: Well. U want me to tell u something that will make u feel better?
Me: Yes
Him: (Makes alien noises, laughs hysterically)
Me: U are fucking crazy
Him: It's just your body trying to trick u into thinking that u don't have any control over your emotions. See, us, humans...we are crazy. We think that we need to do this and this and this to be happy and look for bliss from someplace else. But the truth is, we were all born happy. We have it inside us already. Just be happy. it's simple. Laugh with me.
Me: Hahahaha. This is uncomfortable. I am almost too self conscious to just laugh out loud for no reason.
Him: Ok. Do u wanna know why u should really get out of bed?
Me: Yes
Him:
Because u can.
That's right. What a piece of shit am I to forget how privileged I am to be healthy and alive. :: I'll try harder to remember.
ps: posting a picture of some fairy shoes. Freakin cute.
