No one really gets it. I don't want the world to turn against me because my decision to keep my private life PRIVATE is making me look like the bad guy.
I guess out of the two of us... I am the bad guy. But I don't think this is a matter of one good, one evil.
I really don't want to unload all of this via blog. Or internet for that matter. This is something that honestly, only TWO PEOPLE in the universe need to be dealing with. And I don't have the strength to call you. Not yet. But God, there's so much you don't understand. So much to this that nobody can understand because it hasn't been said.
But in your case.... it won't matter anyway. No matter how honest I am... no matter how much I open up and pour out my soul for you, you won't be convinced. Because one mistake has stamped me an untrustworthy, lying whore for the rest of my life.
To the one person I've ever been in love with. And possibly all of my close friends, depending on what conclusions are drawn. I don't know if I'm supposed to put my soul out for everyone to see to salvage any honor I might have left, or if I should just back off and accept that I got what I deserved.
I don't know anything anymore. I just know that no amount of punishing myself can make this easier.