Today I opened one of those doors.... those doors that you're supposed to close and lock up after you start a new chapter in life.... those doors full of skeletons, misunderstandings, and issues within yourself and others that you grow out of.... Just for kicks I opened it, because I couldnt see much through the keyhole....so I opened the door.... I saw the past.....I saw old friends.....old loves....old me.... I used this opportunity to take from it what I could.... I saw myself.... I was younger, full of piss and vinegar.... but my skin was different... it was much more rigid, it was much more hard to get through...and realized that pride had given me such a thick skin and a thick head.... it's hard to pinpoint the moment when I unzipped my proud skin and wriggled out of it like a pair of jeans two sizes too small.... the proud and stubborn me was bitter when I lost.... the proud and bitter me was afraid to be on my own... the proud and stubborn me was just a scared young boy in a growing man's shell....I'm so glad I don't feel that way anymore.... I think about the relationships it costed, and whereas I used to be bitter, and wish those people hardships on their travels on.... Ever since I've wiggled free of the proud skin that held me from a conscious evolution. . . . Ever since then. . .  I think about the things I've lost....and I am glad I don't have to worry about them.... I think about the friends I've lost....and I'm hopeful that they are doing better in the absence of the stubborn crab that I was.... I think about the loves I've lost....and lately I smile and get a little satisfaction hoping and thinking that somewhere someone is taking better care of them than I could, and that they're happier and doing well.... I think that's part of growing up and becoming a man....I am glad I opened the door today..... it made me realize that it can always be different, no matter how stuck I am in my ways.  cheers.