Let me begin this brief review of Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN 2 on a somewhat positive note. To his credit, Zombie has fashioned a remake in his own style, stalwartly refusing to make a carbon-copy of the source material (ala THE OMEN, PSYCHO, etc., etc.). That being said, has he come up with an exciting and innovative new vision in horror? Absolutely not. HALLOWEEN 2 is a complete and utter abomination. A spit in the face of the entire HALLOWEEN franchise, the beloved horror icon "Michael Myers" and horror film fans everywhere...

Zombie seems to be directing with total contempt for the source material and his audience. While the original HALLOWEEN 2 (directed by Rick Rosenthal, with some hands-on assistance from John Carpenter) was not quite the classic the original HALLOWEEN was, it still was a very effective sequel with great reverence for its predecessor. As stated earlier, to his credit (and, ultimately, his blame), Zombie has stamped his seedy personal vision all over his HALLOWEEN 2. It is a nauseatingly grainy, pointlessly violent exercise in scumbag white-trash excess, where the lead characters are every bit as filthy and unsympathetic as Michael Myers himself. In Zombie's H2, Myers has been reduced to a wandering, homeless, hoodie-wearing nomad with none of the elegant, yet brutal, charisma possessed in even the most forgettable of the franchise's earlier sequels. For whatever reason, Zombie seems to deify squalor in his films, heaping his cinematic love upon the low-life strippers, hicks and skanky, foul-mouthed little girls who populate each and every one of his films. While this unpleasantness may work to a certain extent in a stand-alone white-trash nightmare film such as HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES or THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, Zombie could do everyone a favor by realizing that not every film in his canon (past or future) needs to bear this unsavory odor. Especially a HALLOWEEN film...

It gets worse. In HALLOWEEN 2, we are repeatedly subjected to ridiculously laughable sequences of Sheri Moon Zombie as Michael's mother, appearing in nightmares/hallucinations as a ghostly woman in a white gown, often appearing with an equally ghostly white horse. These sequences are often accompanied by seizure-inducing flashes of light, particularly near the film's long overdue conclusion. Presumably, this is Rob's attempt to infuse some deep, meaningful signifcance to Myer's grunt-accompanied stab-fests. Sadly, it comes across as a complete joke. Zombie does his wife's acting career no favors here, nor does he for Malcolm McDowell, who returns as the harried Dr. Loomis. In HALLOWEEN 2, Loomis is reduced to an utter buffoon, serving absolutely no relevant purpose in the film until the very end. Even then, his importance is marginal, at best.

If Rob Zombie is to ever make an impression upon modern horror, he must extend his vision to encompass a far greater spectrum than the off-kilter, white-trash emporiums he currently works within. That approach may have worked perfectly for Tobe Hooper in the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, but, come on Rob... Let it go, already. It's getting really, really old. Come up with an ORIGINAL idea, write a coherent script populated with believable characters, learn how to use a Steadicam and make some genuine movie magic. I hope it happens soon because I'm fully ready to jump off the Rob Zombie bandwagon.

Rating: Zero grunting stabs out of 4