You've seen 'em, right?  Those insipid minivans with the stick figures on the back window that show "Dad" and "Mom" and "Susie" and "Lori" and even the pets, "Pogo" and "Muffin," on the back?  The ones with the "My child is an honor student at Snooty Liberal Arts Magnet School" and "Jesus loves ME at Landover Baptist!" And all topped off with a plate cover that says "The Decker Clan."  Gee, y'all, are you SURE you've given enough information to the pissed off nutjob you just cut off in traffic?

Surely you're not one of these condition white morons, right?  You aren't the kind of person who thinks everyone in the world is all peaches and cream and smiles to think of you and your happy little family in your happy little world, right?  But mostly you're not the kind of parent who would dream of compromising your family's safety, right, giving away your children's names and likely locations for most of the day to EVERY FREAKIN STRANGER WHO PASSES YOUR VEHICLE?  I mean, why not just write your social security number on the side of your car and post your passwords on myspace?  Nah, never mind, your password's probably "Pogo" or "Muffin" anyway.

Okay, let's put a finer point on it.  Imagine little Susie or Lori, confronted outside their school on the way home by a nice looking young man who calls them by name (extra credit for having their last name, too) and says he's the new youth minister at Landover Baptist, and that their mom sent him to pick them up because their dog Pogo's sick and mom had to take him to the vet.  "What's our safe word?"  "Oh, gee, your mom told me, and I ... um... is it Muffin?"  So much for little Susie and Lori.  And all of this, just from information you give out freely to everyone who passes you on the road.

Look, I get it about wanting to share information about yourself, wanting to show your pride in your family, wanting to personalize your nondescript vehicle so you can find it in the parking lot.  Not wanting to appear paranoid...  I get it.  It's not too different from posting personal information in Myspace.  The difference is, in Myspace, you can control to a large degree who can see your information and what information they can see.  On the L.A. freeway?  You have NO control over who gathers that information or what use they make of it.

Here's what you do.  Grab yourself a nice razor blade and some of that Goo-gone stuff and strip that shit off your car and THINK before you go putting that kind of information on your vehicle again.  Then hug your kids and TELL them how proud you are of them.  That will mean more to them than any stupid stickers on the car.