we all want something...

Everyone has something they want. Desire is ubiquitous; large or small, tangible or not, there’s always something out there to want.
A nice car. A new phone. A pair of shoes...or three.
Or maybe it’s something emotional. Forgiveness. Reciprocated love. A second chance. Feeling like someone cares. A break from all the stress.

I’ve been learning, lately, that it is key to weed out the wants from the needs. Do you really need those rims, or that phone...everyone tells me this, I’ve heard it a million times. "Save your money!" "Only buy what you need and can afford" etc. etc.
...but some people learn the hard way. Don’t be a dumbass like me and be plastic-spending-happy. Get what you need and get the hell out of the store. All the random stuff that catches your eye will add up.

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It feels like a reversion phase, now. Back-to-basics. My car’s become my drug again, but not in the sense that I constantly want to keep doing stuff to it. More like, simply driving it is pleasure all over again. It doesn’t have to be fixed up, it doesn’t have to be "finished" for me to enjoy the thing, and it shouldn’t be.
But my car’s not the only thing that feels like it’s "going back to the old, yet new somehow".

Somewhat recently I had fallen for a good friend of mine. We’re finally out of the bullshit (’scuse my language) that comes with someone falling for their best friend. And we’re closer than ever. Just like how it was before, but better.
I wanted more, but what was really needed was for me to be there as a close friend. Needs and wants. Don’t take your desire and run with it unless you’re sure the other person is going to run in that direction as well.

It’s really nice to feel like I haven’t been lying to myself (and her) all along.

I love that girl. I really do.

I don’t say that enough...about any of my close friends, even. I had such a naive idea of love, as if romantic love was the only kind of love that existed. I’d be afraid to say it to anyone because I thought it was so associated with boyfriends and girlfriends. (at this point I’m reading what I’m writing and thinking, ’holy crap my brain is like 8 years old wtf’)

It’s an amazing feeling though, one that gets overshadowed way too often with other things (desire, for example). Just knowing the amount of trust we have with each other, knowing how much we care for each other is so comforting and uplifting. Simply talking to each other can make any day positive.

I’ve learned a great deal about friendship and love in the past half-year. My only regret, and even then it’s not that strong, is that I feel I didn’t get to learn much from my only romantic relationship so far. Even then, you still learn things from NOT being in a relationship.
That, and inevitably when your friends come to you for advice when the shit hits the fan in theirs.

Grab a close friend. Tell them you love them. Think about what that means, why you love them.

The world can never be too warm or comfortable a place.


so happy it actually worked out