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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 34
Sign: Leo
City: The ATL
State: Georgia
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Friday, July 18, 2008
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Category: Sports
I'm a very nostalgic person [especially when it comes to my childhood].
Being a kid was so much fun & it's probably the reason why I've NEVER truly grown up.
I've got alotta fun memories from my youth.
I remember how we used to have jelly bean fights after Easter
[where all the kids in my neighborhood would bag up their jelly beans &
run around pegging each other w/ them].
Oh BTW - believe me, jelly beans hurt like hell when somebody hits you w/ one....
just ask my friend Mayda who got pegged in the tiddy w/ a jelly bean &
was in so much pain that she COULDN'T breathe!!!!
The funniest part though was when her mama ran outta the house &
started doing The Heimlich Manuever on Mayda in front of everybody
[b-cuz she thought Mayda was choking even though the kid who knocked on their door said, "Mrs. Flores, hurry!!! Mayda just got hit w/ a jelly bean in her tiddy"].
We ALL fell onto the ground @ the sight of it.
There was Mayda's mom giving her The Heimlich Manuever....
& the whole time----Mayda had a look on her face that said,
"WTF are you doing, mom?? I got hit w/ a jelly bean. I'm NOT choking"!!!
Then, there was the time when I got into a fight w/ one of the big kids in my neighborhood &
in the middle of it----the dummy yelled, "Timeout" & dropped his hands to stop fighting.
So, guess what I did????
I just punched him in the face anyway----then, dude started crying & ran into the house.
WTF???? How are you gonna call timeout during a fight. This ain't football.
& speaking of football....
lemmie tell y'all about Carol Herring [the GREATEST athlete in our neighborhood].
She was a straight-up tomboy that might've been the BEST football player I've ever seen.
How good was Carol????
Well, put it this way---my sister, Joe Styx, & I still talk about her skills to this very day.
Carol was a HS kid that was about 6 feet tall, played like Randy Moss on offense,
used to shake niggaz outta their shoes b-cuz her moves were BETTER than Barry Sanders,
she was feared on kick returns b-cuz she was always taking it to the house like Devin Hester,
& NOT only did she play like Deion Sanders on defense---she had a jehri curl like him too.
 Carol was just a straight-up BEAST.... to this day, I'd pick her 1st!!!!
& please DON'T make the mistake of thinking that we had slouch players out there.
Our neighborhood was stocked w/ athletes----but, Carol was simply the BEST!!!!
Then, there was Albert----who NOBODY wanted to throw the football to
b-cuz he'd ALWAYS run the WRONG way w/ it.
One time, Carol played a prank on Albert by
unhooking the brakes on his bicycle WITHOUT telling him.... need I say that he crashed?
& speaking of crashes.... lemmie tell y'all 'bout the WORST crash that I've EVER seen!!!
In my neighborhood, there was this long slope of street that all the kids used to race on.
We were like NASCAR out that muthafucka!!!!
We'd all go to the top of the hill & somebody would stand @ the bottom to signal "GO".
Kids would be speeding down the hill on their bikes, big wheels, skateboards, & fire engines.
Sometimes there were as many as 20 of us racing @ a time & we DIDN'T yield for cars.
If a car was coming up the hill----then, we'd just steer around it.
In all the years that we'd been racing----there had only been ONE crash....
the time when my sister [who was 2 years old] ran into the street during a race.
But, the 2nd crash happened 11 years later----in the year 1990....
all that I remember is that I was chilling in tha cut & could see the kids racing down the hill.
 My boy Big Bee was playing on a big wheel somewhere nearby.
All that I know is that [for some odd reason] he wandered into the middle of the street....
I guess b-cuz he DIDN'T know that a race was going on.
But, the problem was that he wandered into the middle of the street @ the WORST time....
he did it right when the kids had reached TOP SPEED & were less than 20 feet away.
I remember seeing all the kids speeding down the hill & yelling to Big Bee, "Nooooo"!!!!
Unfortunately, he DIDN'T even see it coming until the very last possible instant....
but, you could see the look of horror on his face as 20 kids were coming @ him full-speed.
All that I know is that I heard a big smack, Big Bee was in midair doing summersalts,
his big wheel was in the air, another kid and his bicycle were spinning in the air too, &
the rest of the kids were guiding their vehicles to avoid the wreck [like they do in NASCAR].
When it was all said n' done----the carnage was unreal.
Big Bee & the other kid were laid out just crying their asses off.
For real, the wreck was sooo bad that I'm surprised they were able to walk away from it
Like Large Marge said in Pee Wee's Big Adventure:
"Yessir, it was the WORST accident I ever seen"!!!!We had alotta good times as kids.... but, the very BEST times came on
 & I'm 100% sure that my boy Joe Styx would agree.
For those that dunno----The Sandlot is whatcha call a "bootleg baseball field".
Ours was the COOLEST though.
I've ALWAYS wanted to do a blog about The Sandlot....
but, I've been putting it off for the longest time.
What's so GREAT about baseball [that makes it so much BETTER than EVERY other sport]
is the fact that it's the ONE sport where your personality truly comes out &
it's the ONE sport where you're truly a family.
We played EVERY sport in my neighborhood....
but, baseball is the ONLY sport that ALL of the kids [boys & girls] played w/ each other.
It DIDN'T matter how old you were----everybody played in the same game.
Some of y'all might start yawning & will think, "Uh oh, here goes a boring sports blog"....
but, trust when I say that SOME of this is gonnabe pure comedy MORE than a sports blog.
The summer of 1990 was the GREATEST summer that we EVER had on The Sandlot
[and you'll soon find out why].
I was 14-15 years old & all of the kids looked up to me b-cuz
they'd heard that I tried out for The San Francisco Giants when I was in 8th grade
[which is TRUE----I just lied about my age @ the tryout b-cuz you had to be @ least 18].
So, basically, the kids in my neighborhood idolized me----I was their Babe Ruth.
The summer of 1990 started by my offering ANY kid in the neighborhood $1
if they could throw ONE strike past me [by making me swing & miss].
Back then, $1 was alotta money b-cuz it could get you stuff @ the ice cream truck.
So, EVERY kid took that as a challenge.
They'd line up & pitch to me as hard as they could----just trying to throw a strike past me.
Outta all the kids, NOBODY ever threw a strike past me----EXCEPT for ONE person....
a 10 year old girl named MELISSA!!!!
I dunno how she did it----but, somehow, she got me to swing & miss @ one of her fastballs
[sumthin' that RARELY happened to me on any level while I was playing baseball].
And when she did, there was a HUGE celebration in my neighborhood amongst the kids.
BTW - yes, I gave her the $1 in front of everyone.
Melissa started sumthin' huge.
From that point forward, the kids in my neighborhood asked me to teach them how to play.
So, my best friend @ the time (Troy) & I agreed to
spend our summer teaching the little kids in our neighborhood how to play baseball.
We lived next to 2 softball fields----but, Troy & I knew that we COULDN'T play there b-cuz
the softball teams were always playing games there in the afternoon & would kick us off.
So, we decided to turn a small lot of grass & trees [next to our houses]
into our own field of dreams.
Each day, we played a doubleheader [2 games in one day] & we kept stats for all the games.
We even taught the kids how to keep stats----which they eventually did on their own
whenever Troy & I WEREN'T there playing w/ them.
We had a slaughter rule in place----if you were down by 12 runs after 5 innings....
then, the game was over!!!!
We also had a rule in place called
 "Ghost man" is an imaginary baserunner.
Since we DIDN'T have 9 players on each team [like you're supposed to in baseball]....
there was always the chance that you might be on base when it's YOUR turn to hit.
In the event that sumthin' like this happened....
you had to shout "Ghost Man" BEFORE you could leave the base & go to hit
[or else you could be tagged out].
If you yelled out "Ghost Man" BEFORE leaving the base....
then, it was understood that your base was gonnabe occupied by an imaginary runner.
The ONLY way that you could get that imaginary runner OUT
was to run to the next base w/ the ball in your hand BEFORE the hitter reached 1st base.
& yes, ties would ALWAYS go to the runner.
The "Ghost Man" ended up playing a MAJOR role in games.
BTW - even though we had catchers----stealing bases WASN'T allowed
b-cuz the bases were too close together to throw anybody out.
Now.... the thing that made our field so unique were the fences!!!!
The left field fence was basically a 100 foot high hill that had a 6 foot fence @ the top of it.
Even though it DIDN'T take much distance to hit it over that fence....
ya still had to hit a towering flyball just to crank a homerun over it [which was HARD to do].
All of the pitchers would INTENTIONALLY throw the ball @ the outer 1/2 of the plate
just to keep hitters from hitting the ball to left field.
So, if you hit a homerun there----believe me, it was only b-cuz the pitcher made a mistake
by throwing a TOO HIGH pitch over the inner 1/2 of the plate.
That was the ONLY way that anyone ever hit homeruns to left field.
The centerfield fence wasn't really a fence @ all....
it was just a big ass tree that stood about 200 feet away in the middle of the field.
Any ball that landed beyond it was considered a homerun.
But, MOST of us DIDN'T hit the ball to centerfield
b-cuz of the risk of hurting the pitcher w/ a batted ball.
The rightfield fence was LESS than 100 feet away....
but, it was the HARDEST place to hit a homerun.
We called it The Green Monster [after the infamous wall in Fenway Park, Boston]
..  What's so cool about OUR green monster is that
it WASN'T a fence, a wall, nor was it even green.
OUR green monster was a white shed that was about 10 feet HIGH &
it was a left-handed hitter's dream b-cuz it was so close!!!!
Since Joe Styx was the ONLY lefty outta all the kids....
he was the ONLY one that EVER hit homeruns over there.
But, hitting homeruns over OUR green monster WASN'T easy....
there was a line of tall trees leading up to it that formed our right field foul line.
If you hit a ball & it touched the trees----then, it was FOUL ball!!!!
The ONLY way that you could hit a homerun over OUR green monster
was to hit a pitch PERFECTLY down the line & pray that it DIDN'T touch a tree on the way.
If you hit the ball too low----then, the 1st baseman would catch it &
if you DIDN'T hit it hard enough----then, one of the outfielders would catch it
or the ball would bounce off the shed and bounce back into the field of play.
Right now, I wanna do a roll call dedication to EVERYBODY that played w/ us that summer.
BTW - This is where the comical part starts.
Da Bambino (me)
I won the triple crown that year
by leading our league in batting average (.730), homeruns (21), & RBIs (82).
Whenever I'd come to the plate----all of the kids would yell, "He's up" & move wayyy back.
Troy
He was the clown prince of our league----he made everybody laugh.
Troy was from Southeast D.C. (the hood) & used to tell us all kinds of crazy ass stories about
crackheads suckin' dick for $5, people gettin' shot w/ UZIs, feelin' up counselors @ camp, &
he was always swearing that we needed to let a chickenhead toss our salad someday.
On the field though----Troy had the strongest arm that I've EVER seen on anyone!!!!
He was only 13 years old, but he threw HARDER than anybody that I've EVER faced.
We nicknamed him Randy Johnson b-cuz he threw so hard.
I've faced guys that threw 90+ mph & I swear that Troy threw HARDER than they did.
He finished 2nd to me in every offensive category....
his batting average was .586, he hit 18 homeruns, & he finished w/ 69 RBIs.
Eddie
Troy's brother was a great 1st baseman who NEVER made an error.
He was funny as hell too----especially on days when he & Troy used to start fighting.
Eddie's girlfriend was a chick that we knew named Sandia &
we used to always talk about how big Sandia's tiddies were.
Back in the days, I woulda fucked Sandia---but, I WOULDN'T touch her now (she's a mess).
Eddie finished 3rd to me in every offensive category....
his batting average was .500, he hit 14 homeruns, & he finished w/ 54 RBIs.
Joe Styx
This was wayyy back when Joe used to wear glasses.
Troy nicknamed him "Billy Blind" & I used to call him "Rick Moranis".
But, Joe was a damn good player & again, he was the ONLY lefty outta all the kids.
That summer, Joe batted .470 & finished w/ 9 homeruns [all went over OUR green monster].
Miss A.
A former softball player that could play her ass off.
Miss A. was the most aggressive baserunner out there!!!! She ran hard!!!!
& yes, she could hit too----Miss A. hit 7 homeruns & NONE of them were CHEAP.
Jerry A.
Even though he was 11 years old----he was the BEST fielder outta all the kids....
but, he also had the WORST temper!!!
Troy & I were always having to play Dr. Phil whenever Jerry'd make a mistake in a game.
But, you've gotta LOVE players like that b-cuz they have a passion for winning!!!!
He batted .310 & hit 6 homeruns.
Melissa A.
The infamous 10 year old girl who got me to swing & miss for $1.
She was a great pitcher & was usually on the winning side whenever she was pitching.
Melissa also was a great fielder who could outrun most of the boys
[which came in handy whenever there was a ghost man on base].
She won alotta games w/ her speed.
Melissa batted .286 & hit 3 homeruns----all of them were inside-the-park though.
Crystal A.
Now, this cute little girl was truly sumthin' special.
She stood only 3 feet tall & was ONLY 5 years old----the YOUNGEST outta all the kids.
Crystal had a crush on me----so, I ALWAYS had to pick her for my team [or else she'd cry]....
but, she WASN'T a liability by any means!!!!
Lemmie tell y'all about Crystal----she was whatcha call a "closer" in baseball.
A "closer" is the LAST pitcher that you bring into the game [when you're winning] &
the closer's job is to shut the door on the other team.
& believe me----that's exactly what Crystal used to do!!!!
Crystal was the ULTIMATE closer!!!!
She'd sit on the bench & would play w/ dolls until it was time for me to call her into the game.
But, when she'd come into the game----everybody knew that it was OVER!!!!
Crystal NEVER gave up ONE run during the whole summer!!!!
B-cuz she was so short, her pitches came in knee-high [making it impossible to hit homeruns]
& her pitches came in sooooo damn slow that EVERY hitter went up trying to kill them!!!!
But, that was the problem....
her pitching style got everybody out b-cuz NOBODY could make solid contact on the ball.
I faced her 1x & she even got me out by making me hit a pop fly!!!! I couldn't help but laugh.
NOBODY could get a good hit off her----she'd ALWAYS put the ball in the PERFECT spot.
When Crystal came into the game----you could see all hope disappear in the other team.
But, on one particular occassion, Crystal WASN'T on her game. I dunno what happened.
I called her into the game to close it out, gave her the ball, & she gave up 3 hits in a row.
For the 1st time, she COULDN'T get anybody out & we were only up by ONE run.
I DIDN'T wanna see her give up a run----so, I decided to protect her 0.00 ERA.
BTW - an ERA is the average number of runs that a pitcher gives up every 9 innings.
That day [when Crystal clearly DIDN'T have her stuff & was on the verge of losing it]....
I walked to the pitcher's mound & asked Crystal to gimmie the ball b-cuz I was benching her.
I said to her, "Crystal, you HAVEN'T given up a run all year. But, you DON'T have it today.
I have all the confidence in the world in your ability. But, I'm doing this to save your ERA".
Crystal handed me the ball & then, she broke down crying
b-cuz she COULDN'T believe that I WASN'T gonna let her close the game out.
She was beside herself----but, everybody knew why I was benching her for the day.
Crystal handled it just like REAL closers in major league baseball do----she was upset!!!!
But, like they say in baseball:
"The true test of a closer is whether they can bounce back after having a bad outing"!!!
Well, the next day, Crystal cameback & was the same ole pitcher that she'd ALWAYS been.
She NEVER pitched bad after that &
finished the season undefeated w/ a 3-0 record, 12 saves, & an unbelievable 0.00 ERA!!!!
Lexi
Lexi was the 14 year old cousin of Jerry, Melissa, & Crystal.
ALL the boys had a crush on her.
We used to love it when Lexi would play b-cuz she was fine & had big ass tiddies.
The boys would give her good pitches on purpose & would make errors on purpose
just so we could watch her tiddies jiggle as she ran around the bases.
We also NEVER tried to get her out by throwing the ball----we ALWAYS tried to tag her.
Pedro
If we had an all-star game ballot----then, you'd better NOT vote for Pedro here!!!!
He NEVER won a game, was the WORST pitcher, & finished w/ an 0-16 record that summer.
Whenever he'd throw the ball----it was either gonnabe a homerun OR a hit.
Sometimes, Pedro would grab his head after pitching the ball [before the hitter even swung]
b-cuz he knew that he'd just given up a homerun....
& sure enough, whenever he did that shit----the ball ended up getting creamed!!!!
The sad thing is that we HAD to let him pitch b-cuz he was so uncoordinated in the field.
Kenny
Talked MORE shit for a kid that was the 2nd WORST pitcher out there.
Troy nicknamed him "sausage lips" b-cuz he said that
Kenny's lips looked like 2 crusty sausages that somebody had formed into a mouth.
He finished the season w/ a 5-14 record.
Billy
He played catcher b-cuz he was the BIGGEST kid out there & couldn't run fast.
We DIDN'T play nice on the sandlot----there were times when we had homeplate collisions....
but, Billy was ALWAYS the one who came up standing after a collision!!!!
There even was a fight that came outta one of those collisions----Billy choked the kid out.
Vick
LOL - this nigga used to play catcher w/ a FOOTBALL helmet on his head
[to protect himself during homeplate collisions].
Solomon
Was involved in MOST of the homeplate collisions & yes, he was the one that Billy choked.
One day, everybody fell out on the bench b-cuz Troy said that
"Solomon looks like Denver The Last Dinosaur"!!!!
 The sad thing is that he did!!!!
Little Carlos
This 6 year old was fast as hell!!!! If he got on the bases, then he almost always scored.
Carlos had a speech impediment & COULDN'T pronounce his Ls or his Rs.
He'd be like, "I gotta west my yegs"!!!!
@ the end of the summer [when Troy & I felt that we had taught the kids all we could]....
we decided to challenge the adults in our neighborhood to a Labor Day game on a REAL field!!!!
The adults laughed & thought that we were kidding around----but, we WEREN'T joking.
So, they accepted our challenge & formed a team of GROWN MEN!!!!
When we told the kids that the adults had accepted----almost ALL of the kids got scared.
Some were like, "Oh no, we're NEVER gonna beat them"!!!!
But, Troy & I assured them that we were gonna win as long as we played together!!!!
We said, "This is the 1st time that we'll ALL be playing together as a team.
Every other time we've split us up. But, this time, we're gonnabe ONE unit!!!!
So, when we play them----we're gonna go out there & do what we do"!!!
That Sunday, we went out there & played our asses off against GROWN MEN.
In the 1st inning, the adults tried to getaway w/ taking it easy on us....
but, they had no choice but to take us seriously when we jumped out to a 3-0 lead on them
after Joe Styx got the 1st hit, Troy followed w/ a homerun, & I followed w/ another homer.
When it was all said n' done----we beat those GROWN MEN 5-3!!!!
I'll NEVER forget how we threw our gloves in the air & mobbed each other in celebration
like we'd won The World Series!!!!
5:19 PM
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