 |
Current mood:  cantankerous
By Reggie Arnold
The Oxford Reader
Oxford England,
I recently got a chance to sit down with the boys and - well, actually I sat down in front of a computer screen and spoke to Trevor Jackson via satellite feed. There was a 35 second time delay between sentences and the camera's quality they were using were completely poor. But after 3 1/2 hours of patient journalism, I finished the interview and in the process learned more about these great, great men that encompass Trevor Jackson.
Reggie: Now boys, we all know the story of how you both met, but did you ever think you're friendship would reach this creative partnership like it has in Trevor Jackson?
Kyle: Shut up.
Boots: You look weird. Who is this?
Reggie: Well, I don't think this satellite hookup is working properly.
Kyle: You hooked up with a satellite? That just doesn't make sense... I realize this communication feed is not good, but I think Ron just said he hooked up with a satellite? I'm kidding... No seriously, shut up who is this?
Boots: What?
Reggie: My name is Reggie, Kyle. Not Ron. Do you want me to repeat the question?
Boots: You have indigestion? Why are you telling us this. Try Pepto or something, but really what does your indigestion have to do with this interview? Where's Kyle?
Kyle: Boots?
Boots: Boots?? Who said that?
Reggie: Hey Tom can you come over here and see if there's something we could do about this reception... This is bloody ridiculous. No one can understand anyone and I don't even think they bloody hell know they're both together in this interview...
Tom (in the background): I'll call tech support...
Kyle: Oh hey Reggie. I just got your question... Well, I think from the moment I met Boots we really hit it off to the point where I think not only was it a lot of fun to get creative with him, but it was also fulfilling...
Boots: Who's Tom and Ron?
Reggie: Boots, I think we're a little off here, let me get back to you... Now Kyle, you are finishing up a very cutting edge play called Spring Awakening. What did you learn from that Broadway experience?
Boots: Oh hey Reggie. I just got your question... Well, I think from the
moment I met Kyle we really hit it off to the point where I think not
only was it a lot of fun to get creative with him, but it was also
fulfilling...
Kyle: Boots? Is that you? I didn't know you were even here! Dude, I'm so sorry about that drug interaction at your place the other night. I was so fucked up on the plane I had to spend most of the flight in the bathroom out of fear that the stewardess was a Walt Disney zombie. Like literally, a dead Walt Disney still frozen serving me drinks. It was crazy...
Reggie: Kyle, I don't think Boots can hear you we're going to fi-
Boots: No Reggie, I hear Kyle, I hear him now. I think we're all linked up and good to go... Hey man, totally cool. Everything came out of the carpet, so we're totally cool...
Reggie: Okay, well next question then... No Tom, we're okay here, it just fixed itself, you don't have to restart the comp-
END TRANSMISSION
Thirty minutes later, we relinked and continued the interview...
Reggie: Sorry for the delay boys, but let us continue. Boots, has it been strange moving from behind the drums to the front of the stage?
Boots: No, I don't think so... Yeah, but it was his girlfriend. I don't care if she wants to make out with guys to see what else is out there... She's 20 years old, she doesn't know what the fuck she wants...
Reggie: Hey, Boots, can you hear me?
Boots: The problem with that shit is that I knew this was going to happen since the very beginning. We were in a cab and she was talking about Augusten Burroughs and didn't care if it was real or not and she asked the cab driver what he thought and a. he couldn't hear the question because of the plexi-glass and 2. He didn't understand the question because he doesn't understand English. She was fucking knocking on the glass for five minutes and after he threw us out of the cab, she's got the nerve to make me pay and I'm not even her fucking boyfriend... He was already in the bar. It just doesn't make sense.
Reggie: Kyle, through certain avenues I've heard you guys are writing together again and want to record a new album. Can you elaborate on this?
Kyle: Well, I mean of course... He's a dipshit, because you know he's obsessed. He's just obsessed. There really isn't anything we can do or say about it. It's like talking to a zombie... Haha, no that zombie scared the shit out of me. You want to know what else I was bugging out about in the bathroom? I was convinced I was in a time machine. I was convinced no one knew but me and it was my job to let everyone on the plane know. Know that time travel is wrong and just like cloning we've go to regulate this shit... I was literally seconds away from bursting out of the bathroom, but I think I fell asleep at that point from the Xanex. But can you imagine what would've happened if I didn't fall asleep? I know... and jail time!
Reggie: Tom, did you see what you fucking did? Did you see what you bloody did? They don't fucking hear me and they're talking to each other? You fucking imbecile! Mate, you are never going to work with this company again! I can guaran fucking tee you, this is the end of the line for you mate...
Tom (fromt the background): Reg, this isn't my fault we're working with a G4 and it's no-
Reggie: FUCK YOU TOM! You're making me look like a fool!!!
Boots: Hold on man, I gotta pee. Where's that English guy?
Kyle: Don't know eating fish and chips?
Boots: LOL, EL Oh EL...
Reggie: That's it, I'll fix this myself, I'm going to fucking make you look like a fool Tom. I am going to fix this myself and your job won't exist anymore, you fucker!
Tom (from background): I'm sorry Reggie, I'm sorry...
Reggie: You bloody well be sorry!
Tom (from background): Don't get me fired, I need this job mate. It's the only thing I've got keeping me afloat.
Reggie: You will be out on the street sucking dick for money. Fix this...
Tom (from background): Okay. I think if we just restart the computer the ticks will b-
Reggie: RESTART THE COMPUTER? IF YOU RESTART THE COMPUTER, I AM GOING TO TAKE THE COMPUTER AND SMASH IT OVER YOUR BLOODY FUCKING HEAD. IF YOU EVEN TRY TO RESTART THE COMPUTER, I WILL RUN TO MY MINI, GET THE JACK OUT OF THE TRUNK AND SMASH YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT STARTING THE BLOODY COMPUTER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Tom (from background): Yes. I understand.
END TRANSMISSION
Boots: All right, I'm back. Is there anyone there? Kyle? Ron? Tom?
END TRANSMISSION
3:36 AM
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|