In several weeks, he will leave again. It's been 5 years since we had to be apart…..and by apart I mean halfway around the world from each other. It was easier last time, even if it was right after 9/11. He was on a ship, he seemed "safer". There were frequent emails and some great phone calls. But what will it be like this time? We've never been through this before. Many of you will never really know or ever understand the sacrifice that we make for each other. Him for me, I for him. It's interesting how we each will see ourselves as losing out. You'll never know the emotions we feel: the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the love. How you talk yourself into "survival" mode and learn to live your life alone and accept it. These are our sacrifices:

I will sleep alone in my bed every night.

He will sleep with a "room" full of people and will have never felt so isolated.

I will make plans for just me – hanging out with friends, taking trips, going out for dinner.

He will not make plans – he will not hang out with friends, he wont' take vacations, and dinner will not be an outing but but a necessity.

I will be scared, what if something happens to me alone. I'm vulnerable. Will people know that I am in this house alone? I will put the big Mag-Lite next to my bed for protection and hope my dogs chase away anyone trying to do me harm.

He will live and breathe fear. Fear when he is working and fear when he is sleeping. He will carry weapons and be on alert 24 hours a day. He will remind himself over and over that he WILL return home safely.

I will change to him – I'll become a little more independent, a little more stubborn. I will be more beautiful than he remembers and I'll shed those pounds and look great for his return. I'll grow stronger as time goes on.

He will change to me – he will see things I only read about or see on TV. He will experience real live nightmares and may even fight for his life. He will also become a little more independent and strong. He'll come back more handsome than I remember with some color from the desert sun.

I will stay in my safe place, even though I will be lonely I will be able to pick up the phone at any moment and call a friend, my sister, my mom….I can email and MySpace and at least feel a little less alone.

He will go to a place that is anything but safe, he won't be able to pick up the phone or email at the drop of a hat. He will have to get to know new people just to have some conversation and interaction.

I will be alone on our 10 year Anniversary, on my Birthday, on Thanksgiving. I won't feel like putting in the effort for the holidays even if he is to come home 5 days before Christmas. But I will, because my friends and family will surround me in whatever way they can.

He will be far alone on our 10 year Anniversary and on holidays. Only he most likely won't celebrate, he'll be working or fighting to stay safe, dreaming of coming home just in time for Christmas. Instead of eating turkey and all the trimmings he will be laying his life on the line for you, even if you don't believe in it or agree with it. He does. He cares.

So who makes the bigger sacrifice? It's not right to say one does more or has the harder time. I'll be here just struggling to get out of bed and begin my day without him, anxiously going through each day hoping "they" don't ring my doorbell and deliver those words that will change my life forever.

And his life will be in danger in a way that is too big to comprehend. He will struggle to stay focused and courageous. And he will struggle to make it through the nightmare and come home. 

Tonight when you lay down to go to bed with your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend. Keep in mind that for 305 days we won't do that. We won't kiss each other good night, hold hands, say "Good Morning", or make breakfast for one another, all those things that you are doing each day without a thought. 

Could you sleep 305 days without that person and still smile each day? Could you not see that person face for almost a year and still find a reason to have fun?

And there are other's out there like me. We try like hell to keep our relationship strong….because we make the sacrifices above so that our "Soldier" can do what he loves. This blog isn't about military pride or him fighting for our country. It's about love. The love between two people that is so strong it helps them get through something most of you will never have to do. And when it's all said and none - it will be like it never happened. Like no time has passed.

Say "I love you" to the people around you tonight....not just because you do but because they are there in your life, day in....day out....face to face.

H