The Sweater-Vest Debate

After a long hiatus involving weddings, funerals, parties, secrets lies and fortunes gained and squandered I hereby return, Constant Reader, to the heights of that noble calling known as blogging. And lo, though you have wept many a happy tear to no longer be subjected to the ranting of yet another Angry Negro, I know that indeed your innards bustle and your heart trembles in quick palpitation at the thought of bearing witness to the nigh indecipherable train-wreck of my musings. Alas, I cannot say that it is for the good of that which we hold dear – our grand society, the impending election, nor the completion of my own nuptials that has caused me to return to the cold bosom of the written word. Rather my return is sparked solely by self interest. In the quest for capital – as I am a fan of capital, especially capital in my pocket – it was revealed unto me that in order to make more money I need to write more, and in order to accomplish that I need to practice more. So in order so that I may one day bestow my progeny or myself with the latest electronics, diversions, holidays in unknown countries that only members of a certain tax bracket know the name of, I am forced to bestow upon you my word tapestries and the bitter struggles of my inner-most mind. Alas, in a previous time I would have been thought to conjure an angel from the heavens, bearing with him a chisel, tablet, and other accoutrement of the written word with the result being the Gospel according to Your Opinion and the Word made Truth in our present day scripture. Today, however you must make do with a lowly prophet unable to divine the words written upon your mind in alphabetic file, unable to channel the Great Magnet and inflame your glands with the power of the universe, but instead – a mere keyboard jockey hustling the vox popouli and selling enlightenment door to door in digital tabs for you to drop at your leisure.

Thanks for reading.

In keeping with my past promise for mediocrity I will continue to offer my unrequested (and likely unwanted) opinion about any subject that takes my fancy. This could be anything from office fashion to folly, the President to the Pope, or Aaliyah to ZZ Top. As always fair reader I invite you to join this discourse with no concern for reaction or response. My only warning and encouragement is that these are only words and they mean nothing and everything.

Now that we have dispensed with the normal pleasantries let's dive into the subject that we are all thinking about: the election. Many pundits, politicals and hangers-on have offered their opinion on why or why not Senators Obama and McCain actually have a chance of attaining the office of President of the United States. We can indeed be certain that one of them has the POTUS chair in their future, but the trick is in determining which one is likely to ascend the Throne of Whitemanistan as well as discovering which media outlet can take credit for being right. Many different identifiers have been referenced to determine the impending success of the candidates, and for the past few months the American people have been inundated with polling data, the size of the campaigns bank accounts and detailed examinations of the candidates' hand gestures while on the stump. All of these types of examination have shown great promise in the past, though there are always flaws and surprises. As recent as yesterday I have heard talk of the Bradley effect, a reference to Tom Bradley's run in California where the polls said he would win, but the end result was not enough votes. Last week I read an article in one of the well known National publications that spoke of a real election taking place one month prior to the November General election that determines the winning candidate by means of business and the economy. In the days before the Truman Election it was thought that Dewey would wipe the floor with him, and newspapers had even gone as far as to print the headline before the election was concluded, but history tells us that Truman indeed won. So even with multiple degrees in political science, statistics, sociology,  economics, numerology, astrology and parapsychology it is not likely that Keith Olberman, Wolf Blitzer or Bill-O the Clown will have the full skill necessary to divine exactly who the next President of the United States will be. Fortunately for you I, the Angry Negro, have discovered the one facet of the campaign that will tie it in a bow for you. It is not race, ethnicity or money per se, but it is a qualifier just as telling and easily noticeable to the American people. This election will be (or has been) determined by the sweater vest.

The sweater vest is what will ultimately keep John McCain from the Presidency. Sure after the fact it will be chalked up to the liberal media, the vast amount of money raised by the Obama campaign or even the rousing of several sleeping giants: the Youth Vote and the Black Vote. In the end, however it will always come down to that darn sweater vest.

Now this is not to totally deny the fashion contribution that has been made by the noble sweater vest. Sweater vests are a nice fashion accent piece, and have a long history of providing added color and texture to any ensemble. In this time where the modern aesthetic has robbed most of the publics understanding of layers and the benefits of looking over-coordinated the sweater vest has been a clarion call to re-instating that look that in the past, has worked so well.

Unfortunately for Senator McCain, sweater vests are not the wardrobe of folks beyond middle management. In fact, I daresay that sweater vests are not part of the leadership uniform.  Sweater vests are great for the average guy, but they provide no upward momentum for those of us in the trenches and inspire no envy or desire to lead in those not in the executive track. No young peon verbally fellating the head of their organization ever has to mutter the words hey boss, love that sweater vest. As he and the rest of the dilettante sycophants reflect over every nod movement and word of their dear provider they may wax eloquent about his car, suit, Presidential cuff-links, and even his trophy wife, but never shall there be a comment on the sweater vest. The reason for this, dear readers, is that members of the executive track don't wear them.

Now sure, it is possible that McCain's use of the sweater vest was to provide a connection with the common man – an inside joke with the greater populous that says, "Hey, I'm an average guy just like you." The problem is that we've had a pretty significant run with the "average guy" and I don't think the American people are up for another sweater vest or Croc wearer in the White House. If we were to take a quick mental journey and visit every great leader that we have known. Charlemagne, Shaka Zulu, Haile Selassi, Wilhelmina Slater, or Genghis Khan we can see one thing connects them. Not a sweater vest among them.

I am sure that every President who has served has worn a sweater vest at one point or another. The problem is the fashion statement that a sweater vest will ultimately make. Worn once or twice in multiple colors during the winter, the sweater vest is a bit of fashion whimsy. It seems fresh and appealing and something to break the doldrums of you average dressing day. The sweater vest often can become too much of a good thing – especially if you wear the same blue or gray version all of the time. There is a similar occurrence in women's fashion with the sweater set – and this is often seen in the ever fashionable hallways of our Federal office buildings. Hordes of middle aged women tramping down the halls in chunky "comfortable" shoes, black pants and sweater sets haunt my dreams and my visions of work. My fear is drawn from the fact that the sweater sets (and vests) are saying one thing: I am aware that fashion exists but I lack neither the inclination nor the drive to do anything about it. I have given up!  In essence rather than address the real fashion issue, McCain would rather just continue on the same line day in and day out with the same blue shirt and gray vest as if that will make the situation ultimately change itself. As if all of the fashion houses will come to their senses and say – Oh we LOVE that! Could you see a President looking at the fashion emergency taking place in Asia or the Middle East and while the people are crying out for experimental couture, Lagerfeld or even Benjamin Bixby, he instead decides we are going to do what we have always done – send them more sweater vests? This does not even begin to address the fact that 1) we may need those same sweater vests in times of environmental crisis 2) We don't have the money to support the development of so many sweater vests and 3) nor have we properly planned for the return of damaged sweater vests or their possible use after such an emergency is over. You can't just take an article of clothing that has been in the desert or God knows where for the past three years and plop it back on a Midwesterner and expect it to automatically mold to their body shape – you have to re-integrate it back in to American fashion. Moreover, we lack the resources at this point to continue creating sweater-vests for someone else. We need to put those resources back in the hands of the American people and not in the sweater-vest craving countries of the world. It is this lack of foresight that concerns me. This lack of an ability to change or grow or say, perhaps America needs something better than a sweater vest today. Instead McCain has examined his closet and rather than press for diplomatic talks with his stylist, he has given up and resorted to the same tactic: a surge in the use of his sweater-vests.

My friends think about what your fashion means and what it means for America. Look to your closet and look at your Country. It is time to change.

I am the Angry Negro and I support this message.

Angry Negro is a registered voter — and you should be too.