133. Back in the 80's, Stephen Hawking released his book A Brief History of Time. Then, a few years ago, he released A Briefer History of Time. Doesn't that just suggest that he just made a lazier version of his first book? His next book should be called The Briefest History of Time and simply say "A bunch of shit happened." Or So Yeah, I Was Wrong and simply republish The Book of Genesis.

134. A person asked me about my family, and I told them that I had some siblings. She asked how old they are. I said "My younger siblings are 5, 9, and 11, and I have an older brother whose age is kind of iffy." She asked "How so?" I said "In one sense, he's 28, in the other, he's 7." She went "Oh, I get it. He was born on a leap year." I said "No, he was brutally murdered at the age of 7."

135. I made a girl a mix tape for her birthday, and she never got it because we kind of got into a fight. I was upset for a while, but I remembered that all things happen for a reason, and when I put the tape into my car, I realized it. I have a fucking awesome tape to listen to now. Fuck her. I'm keeping this.