My friend Troy was telling his lady a story about me, and he described me as "Paul Jay, comic", but he said it so fast that she thought it was all one name, and she was horrified.

"Your friend deliberately named himself Paul J. Comic? Is he the Hack Emperor?"

I might have to make Paul J. Comic into an alternate persona, for situations where a given crowd might not get jokes about the Transformers, or the hidden racism of "The Polar Express", or the hilarious side of serial killers.

Paul J. Comic talks about how L.A. is weird, and dating is weird, and people of certain races drive in certain ways, some of which are weird.

Paul J. Comic has a vast array of situations into which he could work his Jack Nicholson impression.

Paul J. Comic can hump a barstool like he fucking means it.

Paul J. Comic isn't a racist, but he just wants you to admit it sure SEEMS like there are differences between the races sometimes, specifically in terms of how they dance and behave at movie theaters, and you can't get mad at him because there's a black guy in the audience and he doesn't seem to be mad.

Paul J. Comic would like to know what you do for a living, where you're from, if that's your boyfriend, if it's your birthday, what you call those shoes you're wearing, and if he can have sex with you after the show.

Paul J. Comic will be here all week and would like you to please take care of your wait staff. He would also like to encourage you to come back tomorrow for Spicy Laff Tacos, the club's all-Latina comedy night.

Paul J. Comic is pleasantly surprised when women are funny, and says so when he's hosting for them.

Paul J. Comic fucks club waitresses while wearing a condom made of solid self-loathing.

And, of course, Paul J. Comic performs all over town and we're very happy to have him. Try the veal!