As we enter a new year i am beginning to feel something different. I can feel deaths breath on my shoulder. It won't be long before I am sure I won't be here anymore.

You think me to be insane.

My body is not dying. You won't be making funeral arrangements just yet. I've got at least 70 years left to make my mark/scar on this planet. What I mean to say is that I'm changing. I've been fighting it off for so long now, forcing this monster deeper down because I thought it made me a better person. Holding my tongue, not saying what I want to say, settling for things when I know I am well capable doing much better, letting things slide, allowing things to happen.

This isn't who I am. I know that I am much stronger than that. Much stronger than even most of you. Destruction finds, the weak and the blind, it tears you up and it eats you. This person i've been for the last year to year and a half (I am pinpointing my transformation to about June 07') is weak, tired, boring, depressed, and a pushover. This isn't who my friends love. I barely recognize myself. I have allowed so many things to happen, that "the old danny" would never allow, I've been watching it all play in my head, and seeing it from a third person perspective makes me nauseous. Last week was a turning point, and last night was the last straw.

I can no longer sit around and watch as my life falls apart. My body, my soul is taking a beating, this weak excuse for a man lacks the assertiveness to get anything done. My relationship is in complete shambles, and although it's not entirely my fault I take the blame and do absolutely nothing with it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The end of an era is upon me, I'm going to clean up the mess this mistake has made, some people are going to disagree, some like this "nice" person. It's high time I do something to get back on top. I've tried so hard to be this person that i've grown to despise. It all comes down to nice guys finish last. The only thing the old me and this weak human being is that we both value HONESTY. The difference is that i have been settling for lies, and the saddest part is that in the deepest part of my mind i've known they are lies. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorane is a way to hide from the bitter truth. The truth that life doesn't go according to a plan, life is full of shit, of bumps and walls and obstacles that you have to defeat, not overcome, defeat. I'm not going to "Try my best to change" I'm going to change, i can feel it inside of me as i type this.

Out with the old and in with the much better. Life isn't going to get much easier and The only way to fight my way through is to become much stronger, wiser, better, smarter. I'm letting the monster out of the cage, if you don't think you can deal with it I advise you to run if you want to get out alive.

I run this now.

-Daniel.