Today was kind of a strange day for me. I have too many speculations as to what contributed to the strangeness to explain them all. A lot of things just didn't really go right for me today. The Steelers lost in OT without Big Ben, I made a really bad decision with my fantasy football team today (one that cost me 30 points), and many other little things that I can't quite put my finger on gathered together to make Sunday, November 20, 2005 a particularly awkward day for me. Then, after all that, tonight I realized that I had lost something very important to me. Something that is precious to me. Something meaningful, yet small and inexpensive. Something so meaningful to me, in fact, that the mere thought of losing it, the sinking feeling that it was indeed gone, nearly brought me to tears. And I was sure I had lost it. I searched everywhere that it could have possibly been. I was trying to trace when I last remember having it and where it was. But I was coming up empty. It was a truly sinking feeling. And there, in the midst of those moments of bridled panic, I became frustrated with myself. It was just that...an it. A thing. An important thing? Yes, but still, just a thing. Not only that, but I felt like I wanted to talk to someone about it....not that that is wrong, but it revealed to me that I'm not depending on God like I should be. While I feel like I am growing and growing, and giving many things in my life over to his control, I think God is showing me that I have most certainly not arrived—not that I ever will as Paul so suitably points out in Philippians 3:12. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ....heh...sorry, that's more than just verse 12, but I couldn't stop....Truth is soooo...mmmm....powerful and refreshing, you know?....wow...that is awesome....even now, reading that, I feel uplifted and encouraged...not that feelings are the important thing, but I delight in Truth. Anyway, I guess I'm rambling now, but I suppose BenBlog would be the proper place for my ramblings. So, back to the story. I have learned that I am not completely reliant on God as I should be. Perhaps I was weakened by the general strangeness of the day, but that's no excuse...in fact, it's all the more reason to be relying on God! Then, when I had finally given up on finding this simple thing that holds such significance for me, there it was. Right in front of me. And I couldn't believe it. In my somewhat frantic search, I had completely missed it. How? I do not know. I am indescribably thankful that it has been found. I am thankful that God gave it back to me. And I am even more thankful that God used this experience to reveal some areas of immaturity. I know I need to step up and watch my heart. Earthly things—objects, cars, even people—do not and never have satisfied in the absence of God. It's just a fact. Despite the fact that I know this, I still see just how vulnerable I am to falling into the age old materialism trap of the enemy. If I can't get a grasp, maybe I should just throw this thing out, you know? As Paul says, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." (1 Cor. 6:12) May that be my heart. May God give me the strength to continue to grow and avoid the many traps of materialism that the enemy is sure to set for me throughout my entire life. Because, with Christ's power, stepping into such traps is voluntary.