LEYLA FATIMA

Lately I've been reminded of a time in my life as a parent when most crises could be remedied by a day at the park and an afternoon nap.

This nostalgia is not entirely the result of my "premature empty nest syndrome," but related more to a recent conversation with my son's friend John (not his real name). I suspected he had smoked marijuana with my son four years ago, when my son was 15 1/2 , and asked him about it.

Defending himself he said, "I never smoked pot with your son. All I ever did was a shot of alcohol with him the night I took him to his first rock concert. It's not like I got him drunk, it was just a rite of passage."

This "rite of passage" belief system is one that I have come up against time after time in dealing with both of my sons' addictions. Having a drink as a teenager is as widely accepted as a rite of passage as getting a driver's license. I have been told to "lighten up," don't make such a big deal over a celebratory toast at a wedding, or family function.

I don't hold John responsible for my eldest son's addiction. What I find infuriating was the minimization of his irresponsible actions with a minor entrusted in his care.

According to the American Medical Association and the results of two nationwide polls in 2005, "adults are the most common source of alcohol of teens 13-18." One out of four ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />U.S. parents with children ages 12-20 agree that teens should be able to drink at home with their parents present. A staggering 76 percent of parents are aware that their children have been given alcohol from another parent in a friend's home.

We have a family member who believes in the moderation of alcohol and marijuana. His gifts of poor taste to my sons included a Bob Marley T-shirt with a marijuana plant on it, and a shirt that read, "I believe in drug testing. Which one shall we test tonight?"

These gifts are reflection of that rite-of-passage belief system; and a dire need for adults and parents to look in the mirror at their own drinking and drug behavior. I fail to see the honor in giving a child alcohol and drugs. My challenge to adults who choose to provide alcohol to teens, perhaps to be the "cool" parent or your child's "friend": Next time pick up the phone and tell the other parents that happy hour is at your place and have the courage to let them decide if they are willing to forgo their judgment for yours.

Copywrite 2008 I Parenting the Addict Child I All Rights Reserved