Confessions of a Pine Cone Picker and
An Homage to Folk Art
(written 4/22/07 in the middle of Central Park, under the sun, in the grass -- no shoes)
"Heres to you Mrs. Robinson"
Can anyone ever truly say, think or feel what they truly want? Why do I fear you so much Honesty?
Today I picked up pine cones and travelled around Grayslake on foot. From Central Park to Jewel Osco I walked, and thought and walked. The wind, my music and the world around me seemed to be enough (or so I thought).
I had a dream last night. It was more than a dream. I was not always asleep. I have dreams that happen while I am awake. Similar to a hallucination. They used to be very frequent but this one was the first in a while. When I have these "dreams" I lose my sense of reality and time. I become confused and unsure what is autually happening. I am awake therefore I know nothing is really there but at the same time I see, hear and imagine events and people. Last night I went to a party and a few of the people there were also
"in my room, on my top bunk with me"(practically naked under a sheet). Lets just say I felt a little awkward (and sexy?). If dreams are glimpses into the unconscious then what are these "Awake dreams" as I call them? Are they even more forceful then real dreams? Do they mean or reflect even more of what I want or desire? Who was there with me in my room? Caitlyn, Kyle and I think Travis. I can never truly tell because no one is actually there (just the idea of them). These kind of dreams are the most suggestive to me. The people that I imagine or hallucinate or whatever seem much more real and always seem to get me to do things or want me to do things. I will have to admit that in this case it was very strange. I had the hardest time trying to sleep after I realized I was not actually being talked to or that I was interacting with anyone. I would continually wake up with my mind trying to convince me they other people were still there --- and I wanted to believe it. I have never been able to explain why this happens and as far as I know neither has my psychologist. What happened last night convinced me that I have been living in a daze. In a world where all I do is dream, brood and fantasize. There is so much I should be doing but I don't and so much I should get off my chest but wont. My dreams lately have been punches in the face an instead of trying to hurt me they are trying to wake me up.
Wake up Daydreaming Child.
There's a world that needs you.
An Homage to Folk Art
10 years ago I made popsicle sticks into boxes.
10 years ago I made pine cones into turkeys.
10 years ago I collected twigs and grass.
Good bye little earthen figurines.
5 years ago a pencil could be made from a stick.
5 years ago clay was put into a kiln.
5 years ago I branished a liquid pen.
Hello paper and paint.
3 minutes ago I was blinded by the sun.
3 minutes ago my foot was noticeably caked in dirt.
3 minutes ago I stretched out in the grass.
Bob Ross is dead.
Right now I am looking up.
Right now I have inspiration.
Right now a person is drawing.
I am not that person.
In 5 years I will be sitting in the grass.
In 5 years the leaves may be brown.
In 5 years there will be 30 more expert painters.
Pine cones get lonely.
Peace Out
Jesse Todd