OK, so 20 years ago, almost to the day, the USPS took 18 days to get a letter from my house on Melrose & Wolcott to Paulina & Lincoln. If you know Chicago, then you know that this distance covers about five blocks. It was my rent check, and my landlord threatened to evict me because he didn't get the check. I cut a new one 15 days in and, of course, it arrived three days later. After that, I lived in Maine for a while, where, despite the distances involved, mail took only one day to get as far as Boston. I lived in the middle of the state (in the middle of nowhere), about 240 miles from Boston. Mail service was great. When I got back to Chicago in 2004 I had forgotten how much mail service sucked in my hometown. I have had numerous reminders, with two recent experiences that I just had to share. This year I mailed my taxes on April 14th. I sent them registered with return receipt. Well, I just got the return receipt yesterday -- it took 65 days. Wow. But this gets better. I did a dumb-ass thing and left my cell phone in my girlfriend's camera bag when she visited me last month. Ordinarily, not a problem, but she lives in Germany. So my phone went to Germany. She immediately packed it up and sent it back. She mailed it on June 26th. The next day it was on a plane and in Chicago. I still don't have it. When I called the post office, they told me that I couldn't even report it as lost until 30 days have elapsed. Apparently they are well aware of just how inept they are. So, here I sit (in Germany now) without a phone, waiting for it to be June 26th so I can report it lost.

Any of you have good postal nightmare stories to share? Please do. Let's collect them and send them to the Postmaster General. Not that it will help, but it would make me feel better to know I'm not the only one.

-Chris