Every year since I was a child I have made the same new year's resolution: loose weight. Yeah, right, never happens that way. Then in 2004 I made a more specific resolution: become a vegetarian. However, this new way of life was so foreign to me, having been raised on plenty of meat in good old carnivorous Germany, that I procrastinated almost 3 weeks into the new year before taking the final step. Little did I know that my incurable chronic arthritis - the doctors had told me it would bind me to a wheelchair for the rest of my life - would disappear less than a month after my decision. Once I removed hydrogenated oils from my diet as well, I have enjoyed being completely pain free and said goodbye to chronic pain medication with great delight. The healthier diet also rid me of nearly 60 unwanted and unhealthy pounds.

2005 sucked, Dan and I went through horrible emotional ordeals, our relationship just about fell apart, I became a workaholic and started eating unhealthier again although I never went back to eating meat. The owner of the cafe I worked at swore up and down that his food was natural and healthy and you could eat as much of it as you wanted without gaining weight. I ate his food with as much moderation as I could muster and gained nearly 30 pounds back within a matter of a few months.

2006 we hit the road. For me the highlight of the year was Dan becoming a vegetarian. Now we were able to prepare all meals together and eat the same foods. The downfall was that we ended up eating a lot of vegetarian junk food together. A few more pounds settled in and our overall health decreased.

2007, as described in detail below, only served to make all matters worse. Our energy levels dropped, our mental health disintegrated, and our clothes no longer fit us as months of dumpstered and other free meals became our main food source. Later in the year we decided our new year's resolution should be "get healthy" but found it too broad. Just as "loose weight" hardly ever works as a resolution, we needed something more concrete and settled on "eat raw foods".

In the last few months of 2007 we researched the raw food idea. At first the thought was terrifying, salads and celery sticks forever more. We could force ourselves to eat that way for a short while as a cleanse, the shorter the better. But the more we learned, the more fascinating the idea became. Far from endless salads raw foods would include pizzas, nut cheeses, breads, pates, ice cream, cakes, pies, and much more.

Once we arrived in Florida we dug into our research. Our first week in town we went to a raw food potluck - and were amazed! The food was delicious, far from drab. The people were buzzing with energy, surprisingly few were skinny, most started on a raw food diet fairly recently, had shed quite a few pounds, but had many more to go. Nevertheless most had "the glow" raw food publications ascribe to people following this way of eating.

One woman stood out for her radiance and excitement and invited us over to her house for dinner. She looked about Dan's age, in her mid 30s, maybe early 40s, and had been cured of lupus (a terminal blood disease similar to leukemia) within 2 months of eating raw, hence her enthusiasm.

Our 30-some year old new friend revealed to us later that she was in fact 50. At her house we eat unbelievably delicious onion bread, cashew cheese, hemp crackers, and chocolate ice cream. Later we had a Gazpacho soup, the best chocolate truffles we ever tasted, and strawberry crepes. After midnight we excused ourselves stuffed full and yawning and one of her raw food friends commented: "oh yeah, you guys go to bed early, don't you?" We learned that after a few months of eating raw our new acquaintances gained so much energy they slept less.

Intrigued we prepared raw dishes for the next 2 days and experience a significant mood change. All of those years of depression had deprived us of laughter and our subconsciousness seemed eager to make up for the lost years. Day 1 we went to the beach and laughed, and ran, and swam, and tickled each other, and felt that life was good - a thought that hadn't occurred to us in many a year. Day 2 we ran some errands and had to wait at our bank - famous for the worst customer service in the world - for an entire 2 hours. I spent most of that time laughing without being able to stop. Dan busted out the video camera and filmed me. Any moment now the police was going to come and arrest us for annoying other bank customers on our apparent ganja trip.

It had been almost a decade since I had truly enjoyed being alive. Almost in shock I realized the quickened heart beat and tingly sensation in my chest as real happiness. Wherever had the impenetrable cloud of depression gone? Where was the fuzziness that muddied all excitement, every moment of joy, and dressed the future in garments of anxiety? I pondered the future and felt - the word evaded me for lack of usage - delight! I was looking forward to the future. My age which had as of recent caused dread and despair - "I'm only 28? So much longer to go. Sigh." - was now a reason for elation - "I'm only 28! I still have lots of time to live!"

"Why wait until 08," Dan mused, "if we could start being raw foodists right now?" He was right, of course, and we decided to eat mostly raw with few exceptions - dinner invitation's at other people's houses, groceries in our pantry we wanted to use up. The very next day, as abruptly as the foreign sensation of happiness came, it dissipated in the anticipated yet dreaded onset of detoxification. Our energy plummeted and detox symptoms set in. The next 2 weeks proved more strenuous than our unhealthy lifestyle had been.

I started feeling tired all the time. Dan drank a glass of fresh carrot juice and started jittering as if he had had a quadruple espresso. He couldn't concentrate, his hands began shaking, gravity took over all objects he was trying to hold and the day ended with Dan in a rage. I ate a bowl of salad and when I was done I started crying. As to Dan's question what was wrong, I could not tell. I just started blubbering and could not stop. For 30 minutes the tears came running and couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous state I was in.

Dan's restless leg syndrome kept him from going to sleep. His fibromyalgia pain circled throughout his body. My sinuses became inflamed for no apparent reason and I felt like I was coming down with a cold. My throat hurt and I was afraid I had strep throat once again, but after half the day it was gone. Dan's chest became heavy and he felt he could not breathe. The next day I thought I was having an asthma attack although I have never had respiratory problems before. We both broke out with pimples all over. The image in the mirror reminded us of teenage years long gone.

I got a cold sore, but as soon as it bubble up thick and painful, it was gone again, no more than a few hours after its first appearance. Dan became edgy and started an argument over something I did years ago and might, in his estimation, do again in the future. I woke up in the middle of the night with memories I did not know I had - wrongs I suffered 7 years ago but never dealt with. Arguments were a daily routine, often involving issues we should have talked about many years ago. Our relationship was being stretched to a breaking point.

My back went out and I laid in bed for 2 days feeling like I had PMS on steroids. My period came 1 1/2 weeks later and for the first time in my life I went through my first day of menstruation with no cramps. Dan's back went out and his stomach revolted in pain as if his ulcer ripped open again. I developed cancer sores all over my mouth and Dan's legs cramped up very painfully. My arthritis flared up in my feet but always only for a few minutes in which I resorted to limping, then everything was back to normal again. Dan's migraines left behind when he quit coffee came by for a quick visit - a minute and a half - only to disappear again. My head started throbbing for a few hours and Dan suffered the worst headache he can remember ever having.

We went through bouts of depression, hopelessness, and quite a few arguments over long gone yet unresolved issues. With each bout and fight a weight seemed to fall off of us. The ordeal zapped us of all energy and we started extending our nights to 10 hours of sleep. By far the most disturbing symptom I experienced was the morning I dreamed of having a heart attack. It was in the wee hours of the morning where reality begins to drift into the world of dreams that suddenly a stretcher and paramedics stepped into an unrelated scene. In my dream I looked up startled at the intrusion and saw the person on the stretcher arching his back as he was apparently experiencing a heart attack. I woke up with the image still vividly before my eyes and bent over with a sharp deeply penetrating pain in my chest.

"I am 28 and I am having a heart attack!" I wanted to scream, but no sound came out. It lasted but a few seconds and then I felt my heart beating strongly, but oddly out of time. No more than half a minute later I sank back into my pillow, pain-free, worried, and confused. My heart has given me no trouble since. Even the odd little stingy pains I have had since I was a teenager are gone.

Why hadn't anyone warned us of these side effects? Were they normal? We asked our new raw food acquaintances and found that most had suffered detox symptoms as well, but due to the vibrant health they were experiencing now, soon forgot about them. As they recalled them for us, we felt reassured. One person even suffered detox for 4 whole months.

Apparently the younger and less overweight the person the worse the detox. The common theory attributes severe detox symptoms to strong integration of toxic materials in the body. A younger person was raised on highly processed foods and a strongly poisonous environment. The growing body had to make due with the foods it received and thus integrated toxic building blocks into bones, muscles, and organs. Detoxification will remove all toxins from the body and will include side effects when they are drawn out of deep tissues.

A more overweight person will store most toxins in their fat cells. Since those are easier for the body to break down and dispose of than say, for instance, muscle tissue, the detoxification process will be experienced as less severe. We are starting our detoxification process at a fairly young age with only a fair amount of excess fat tissue which makes us think we are rather doomed.

Our S.A.D. (Standard American Diet) eating friends keep wondering if we are crazy. "Are you sure this is good for you?" they ask when they see me limping with temporary arthritis, Dan clutching his throbbing head. Whenever we slouch into the house with the energy of a 90 year old their eyebrows rise and they shoot us sympathetic yet slightly incredulous glances.

But then there are the good moment, and oh, are they good indeed! The future, the precious future is a source of constant joy, how we are looking forward to life again! Odd little things have changed about our bodies even in the short 3 weeks of eating mostly raw. The wart that Dan has sported since the day I met him - never shrinking no matter what substance he spread on it - shrunk to half of its size. We wake up every morning without eye buggers. Constipation is an experience of the past, bloating far from our minds, and stomach aches no longer part of our lives.

Moment of clarity surprise us. Sometimes it feels like the world is clearer, sharper, as if I have taken off the cloudy glasses and can now see the colors more clearly. Thoughts come to our minds fuzz-free and joy sneaks up and sometimes startles us. The future has changed colors from drab and dark to invigorating and bright, full of explorable possibilities. In those moments I just want to hug everyone.

Is it all due to the food? Does nutrition have that much power over our lives? It is all so new still that we can't make up our minds. Many things make sense now. So many missing links appear and odd seemly wrong pieces of the puzzle fall into place. We are still afraid to hope, because our hopes have disappointed us far too many times. Yet we cannot help hoping, hope is intrusive and will not be help back even by our fiercest defenses. After all, unlike all other years, we could not wait until the new year to carry out our new year's resolution.

We hope we found our way. We hope we found the answer. Our hope terrifies us in an exciting, intoxicating way. We can no longer fight it, indeed, we have already succumbed to its lure. We are told time and again that this hope will not disappoint us. Let us hope so.