This here's a story that happened some years back.

It's called, "The Night Cranford broke the Devil's Dick"

I was living at my girlfriend's place up on Mt Olympus in the Hollywood Hills... A big, spooky place that I had to myself one weekend night, where I had invited Cranford Nix, Danny Borden, Mike Riley, Dan Holman, & Craig Trailor (yes, that is his real name) join me for drinks after hours...

You may ask at this point, "What the hell were you thinking??? That guest list reads like a prison charter, a motlier crew has never been assembled!" And you'd be right...

So there we were. Drinking, cussing, smoking, playing music, and everything seems to be under control. Every now and then something gets spilled or a glass breaks, but no big deal. I must've left the living room for only a minute or two and when I returned, everyone was clearing out and fast. "Thanks, 'Dre! Gotta go!" I remember somebody yelling as they headed out the door. "Great!" I thought to myself, "I won't have to kick.. anybody.. out- WHAT THE F@%K???"

I look up at the sculpture that stood in the dining room. A three foot Mexican Day Of The Dead figure of a devil with a little red devil-dick, whose appendage had been ripped from it's body. I don't need to tell you that my face must've turned redder than that devil's little dick and I blew my top.

The next morning I tracked Cranford down at the motel he was staying at, the Farmer's Daughter on Fairfax. Although he claimed to have no recollection, a small, red, wooden devil-dick was recovered in the back pocket of his Levi's.

Cranford Nix had stolen the devil's dick.

With Cranford's assistance and the help of some carpenter's wood glue, my girlfriend never noticed...

Love you buddy, and miss your antics as well...

Andre Comeau
1/17/2007 10:02 PM