Over the past few weeks that I have resided in Denver I have gotten the chance to start doing some reading again and had the time to reflect on the topic of love and being helpful. I have been reading a book that my sister sent with me on my journey entitled, "The Heart of Being Helpful" and it has gradually been opening my eyes to some commonly esteemed ways of being helpful that are reckless and can make matters worse for those involved. When people we love are perceived to be in extreme emotional and/or life or death situations it is hard not to get caught up in wanting to do something to help them at no matter what the cost or extent of yourself that needs to be taken. It is difficult to logically think actions through when impulse is driven by what is perceived as a dire need in the other. After all it is all too easy to attempt to or take action, especially when a loved one's life is assumed to be on the line. Irrationality has a way of carrying us away into the forefront on an assumed crisis to play our part.

Martyrdom plays into the most extreme case scenario that I can think of. I remember hearing a verse on more than one occasion when I was younger that proclaimed, "There is no man greater than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends". Of course that plays into that religious upbringing I have had to come to terms with bit by bit as I've gotten older.
The prime example of my parents christian teachings for me being Jesus. What would Jesus do? He'd die on a cross and save the whole world from themselves and come back. Is that the ultimate profession of love? Really? Forcing yourself into another's life and in their harms way to save them. Few would dispute that risking your life and even losing it for another person would make you a hero. When is that appropriate and when is it not? Heroic Intervention occasionally has a place, but is not always the solution.

Fortunately real life or death situations don't happen everyday and we only have to face lesser, varying degrees of crisis and decisions of intervention. One's where we are able to have a better picture of what is going on and how or if we are actually are a potential part of the solution or have the potential to make matters worse. In consideration, help has to be wanted, asked for, and accepted by others that believe in our capability to assist and offer support in resolving a problematic situation. Communication between those involved and those that aren't is key in understanding the parts that both sides can play. Sometimes, although is may be very difficult, the best answer is to stand back and have the person deal with matters by their self or with the aid of other people. The police, their therapist, their family, witnesses, those with greater sympathy to a specific situation, and other professionals that have special training in complex situations to name a few. Others that don't exacerbate the state of affairs, but provide vital assistance.

Doing something drastic or dramatic to improve or better a crisis situation is rarely in the best interest others.

"Being genuinely helpful has more to do with a certain way of being than with doing a certain thing. Healing presence does not smack of heroism; it is more like radiating comfort within oneself and others, even under emotional duress."
- Peter R. Breggin

Many people in the past have confided in me or sought me out with different issues involving emotional distress and or trauma and for the most part I have been able to maintain a "healing presence as defined above and I have lent myself to their aid openly. There have however been times that have been more trying than others and I apologize to those that were over my head and I should have recommended another source of help alternative to myself. I also apologize for anytime that I reached an emotional limit myself and didn't communicate what was going on with me and didn't stop to take the time to explain what I was going through and ask for and accept help.

I'm human. I'm vulnerable. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I get confused sometimes.
I try to do what is right. Sometimes I am wrong and need understanding and forgiveness for the decisions and or the actions I make. I always try to do my best, but I have limitations that could be conditioned with some care and support from those that truly love me. Those that accept me, are patient with me, that believe in me, that appreciate me...