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...Doesn't mean they're not out to get you!
Screw pleasantries,
If I don't get this rant out I'll probably get some kinda rage-related internal dilation and plaster the walls with my very valued, yet somewhat abused internal organs.
Rant: Virus Software
I have two words that implore you to avoid when you are perusing the vastness of the net for software to use as a deterrent to "viruses". (I use the term virus in the loosest way possible, as I believe viruses are only there as a means for anti-virus software to exist, and vice-versa)
These words are "Zone" and "Alarm"
This program is one of, if not the most paranoid program I've ever seen! As soon as I logged onto the internet after it had been installed, I was greeted with what seemed like an endless flow of pop up messages telling me that certain programs were trying to access the internet. This is fair enough I guess, It'll build up a list of trusted programs eventually and it'll calm down, but I did get the feeling I wouldn't be able to take a shit without toilet.exe needing permission to access flush.dat.
Isn't this thing supposed to prevent pop ups?!
Another thing I noticed is that none of the animated gifs in my browser were actually animating...
...at all!
You may feel this is not much of a problem, but when you are one who creates the things, you would actually benefit from being able to see them! Turns out the problem is that ZoneAlarm lumps all animated gifs under the heading of "advert" Its quite fun that we are now seeing racism and discrimination between programs and file types! I am waiting with great excitement for Martin_Luther.kng to make some kind of monumental speech to end this nonsense once and for all.
Heading on over to Myspace to check out my "friends" with all their photos of themselves in their bathroom mirrors, I was greeted with not being able to see any of them! Not so much of a tragedy, but still evidence of the program taking liberties.
Also, it seems every website that has photos on it is automatically going to be porn.. I mean come on! Its obvious every photo on the internet involves lesbians somehow! I'm quite surprised I'm allowed to use blogger.com, after all, I could so easily be writing naughty words! Gasp Shock Horror! I hate the fact that because I'm nineteen, because I still have that beautiful four letter word "teen" cemented firmly on my age, I'm immediately lumped in with all the 'too-horny-for-their-own-good' thirteen year olds looking for porn all day. For god's sake, porn works like a catch-22 anyway. When you aren't old enough to buy it, its seen as the most sacred of all 'reading' materials, yet when you become old enough to legally obtain it, you can't see any logical reason behind it's sheer existence. Its things like this in the world, things that are actually brilliant in their unmitigated logic, that keep me just about smiling through.
To top off the annoyance of this most wonderful of programs, it likes to tell me that the chat window I have open in MSN is not encrypted because the person I'm talking to is not protected by "IM security" It does this via the chat window... Like I could actually care less?! When I disable IM monitoring, it then tells me that "IM monitoring is disabled"
...Yes... I know... After all.. I disabled it!
If anyone tries to send any kind of emoticon to me, all I see is a blank space where it should be... What possible conceivable reason could there possibly be for wanting to block emoticons on MSN messenger?! I can't see display pictures either. Maybe ZoneAlarm is some kinda fascist regime trying to stop out all traces of joy and humour in the world before they overthrow the whole planet. (although it looks pretty much like they've managed already)
It even had the audacity to assume I needed my internet cache cleaning out. Maybe for one minute it could have stopped to think that maybe I wanted the computer to remember the passwords to every different bloody username I have in every one of the farthest reaches of the internet. If I need something doing, I'll ask, and I sure as hell wouldn't ask ZoneAlarm to do it.
By checking out the settings of this program, you'd think the whole world was made up of viruses, hackers and malicious code that is out to get you! So much so that it blocks even your closest friends from pretty much knowing you still exist. What a brilliant invention by those guys at ZoneLabs.. I applaud you for giving people yet another way to screw their computers over once and for all.
You just can't win.
As I sit here writing this, there's one woman in London, who has been handed her life-long dream on a plate. She has won the opportunity to be in a west-end production of "The Sound of Music", not because she attended years of drama school, but because she wasn't voted out of a "reality TV show" (I use the term "reality" in the loosest way possible, as these progams ain't like any reality I've ever seen!)
Rant: Reality TV
Fundamentally, all I can really say is.. What the hell?! It seems now-a-days, nothing can be done without the whole country deciding via text message.
First came Big Brother, a novel idea.. In the sense that it was better as a novel!
Big Brother...
just..
NO!
I simply cannot find anything interesting about watching a bunch of G.C.S.E. failures sit around all day and pick their noses, arses, nits, and each other. What's more, just by being on the program, they reach some level of celebrity where they are considered a celebrity just because they are a celebrity. How in the hell does that ever make sense!? The only way you could get me to watch Big Brother is if they sealed the house and slowly filled it with chlorine gas over a matter of hours. Now that's quality viewing! I predict the dumbass blondes would go first, after all, they've got about as much going for them as a canary.
Then came Pop Idol...
Some people need to take a step back and realise they really are actually inhumanly bad at singing. The amount of money flying round backstage at that place amid cries of "There, I told you I wouldn't chicken out, where's my �£20" must be phenomenal. What's more, what exactly did that program do for the winner? Gareth "give me the sympathy vote because I stutter" Gates. Where the hell is that gap-toothed lil runt now? Probably sat in a bar somewhere drowning his sorrows in a pint of Orange Juice.
Just when you thought it could get no worse, came along Strictly Bori... Sorry, Ballroom..Where viewers vote on who's the worst dancer. And my God they've strung this one out! One series has but finished when they are advertising the new one. Yet more reasons why Saturday nights are better spent in the pub with friends What's next? Strictly Ballroom Breakdancing?!
Rock School was just so cringeworthy it was unbelievable. I cannot believe the once mighty Gene Simmons lowered himself to this kind of pre-pubescent angst filled codswallop. (such a brilliant word!) From what I saw in that program, it was all about 13 year old kids bitching because they couldn't all play lead guitar. And what ever happened to making your own way? That's where you learn how to deal with the shit you'll encounter in a band.
You know what, I'm glad he was thrown in at the deep end, its kids like that who annoy me. Kids who are so up their own arses they'd need a perspex stomach to see where they are going. One day he's going to be slayed by an audience and he's not going to know what hit him! (assuming the audience isn't full of whiny 14 year old girls like any McFly 'gig' you ever have the mis-fortune to witness)
The only logical next step I can see is "General Election: Prime Minister Idol". Basically, viewers vote off the people they don't want to run the country, and just like any other reality TV show, the winners will be forgotten about a month later.
I really hope they start making decent TV again one day, otherwise they've pretty much lost me as a fan of telly.
In other news, the insurance claim for the stolen goods has been sent off. In a way, being robbed is kinda good. I was told to make a list of PS2 games to replace the one's I'd had nicked. The brilliant thing is, they didn't have to be the exact same ones, so I've got me a shedload of new PS2 games coming my way!
That'll do me for this post me-reckons.
As usual, I shall leave you with a riddle to resolve...
Where do itches go when you scratch them? 1 Laters x
1 In reply to your latest riddle, once an itch has been scratched, it submerges deeper into your body and tunnels it's way around, surfacing sometimes minutes, sometimes hours later in another part of your body. After the remedy of scratching is employed by the itchee, the process is repeated. I believe all humans are born with one itch inside their body. That same itch darts around for our entire lifespan. Then we die.
- Jonny Birkin
9:45 AM
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