The Unwritten Rules of the Restroom (that are now written…)

1.                  When using a stall or urinal, one must leave at least one stall/urinal between themselves and the person already doing the deed. In the event the luxury of a one stall/urinal space is not available, then it is permissible to use the stall/urinal next to another person. However, in no other instance is choosing the stall/urinal next to person allowable, no excuses.

2.                  Speaking between stalls is not to go on unless those speaking have prior knowledge of each others presence. As a courtesy to other facility users, speaking should only take place when those engaging in conversation are next to each other (in other words, if there's a space -  it's not the place). Speaking to strangers is strongly prohibited.

3.                  Keep all moaning and heavy breathing to yourself. No one wants to hear your struggles while they're dropping the deuce or draining the hose.

4.                  In the event of some "floaters," a courtesy flush is required. The same goes for mud butt, the rear end hurl, and any thing else dropped that comes equipped with a foul aroma.

5.                  Flushing in the stalls after use is mandatory.

6.                  Stalls are not to be used for urinating unless all urinals are currently being used or out of order. Should one have to use the stalls, the seat must be lifted as no one likes to sit on a piss stained stool.

7.                  Handicap stalls are only for those who are handicapped and those who are over 6'-2''. In the event all other stalls are in session, then use of the handicap stall is permissible, but in no other instance can the stall be used.

8.                  Should you choose to fool around with a cellular telephone, turn it to Silent Mode first. Also, no talking on the phone is to go on at any time. This is a time for reflection, meditation, and releasing the demons – no where in here does the need to talk on the phone come into play.

9.                  When using the urinals, your eyes are to remain looking strait, up, or down. There will be no looking to the left and/or the right.

If there are any rules or generalities I left out, please - by all means - let me know.

Also, these rules go only for the men. Ladies - you're on your own...