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Current mood:  dirty Category: Religion and Philosophy
This is a satirical piece I turned in as a legitimate paper for my Christian School's World Views Class last year. I just stumbled upon it and I have to say it's probably the most satirical, stinging piece I have ever written. It's kinda long but I definatly think its worth reading. Feedback desired = )
Mr. Underwood
World Views 26
May 2006
Who's Destroying America
Ever since America was founded as a Christian nation, Satan and his servants have driven hard in an attempt to usurp away at it and destroy the shining light of morals that the country has stood for. Says American hero Pat Robertson, "The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society." I want to inquire, how did these atheists and pagans get their hands on the constitution? Throughout the last few centuries many great leaders have led various fights to quell various insurrections of evil, but there is a modern spiritual war going on that we must all take arms to fight. The past few decades many people have been trying to destroy America, and I intend be on the front lines of the fight by identifying those who wish to destroy America, explaining how they are destroying America, and what we can do to fight back.
The first and possibly the most important issue at hand is a very simple question: Who is destroying America? The answer this question I turned to the great leaders of our time in the fight to save America from certain destruction. In troubling times throughout history believers have turned to truly inspired leadership from great men. I will be learning from three of the greatest leaders in the history of man: Jerry Falwell and Reverend Pat Roberston.
In a public address just three days after the tragedy of September the 11th, 2001, Mr. Falwell said, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen."" Very harsh words coming from such a prominent Christian leader. Pat Robertson was quick to agree with Mr. Falwell, and I was right there next in line. In such harsh times as the tragedies of terrorism, much finger pointing is quick to surface. However, the Christian leaders hold the only truly accurate opinions. Perhaps it is these people we should be hunting down for their hand in 9/11 rather than the Al Quaeda.
This list, given by Jerry Falwell, is almost all inclusive as to who is destroying America. Allow me to take an in depth look at each one to illustrate how. The first group mentioned is the pagans. Pagans have been incredibly detrimental to their societies ever since they formed in France. Their indulgent practices have gained unlimited momentum even to modern day United States where they continue to practice cult-like orgies and human sacrifice. Indeed, however, the pagans are too easy to attack in proving that they are destroying America. Few groups, however, are defended as much as the abortionists.
The media is very quick to defend Planned Parenthood, but what is their organization really about? I turned to Jerry Falwell for the truth, "[Planned Parenthood] is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism...everything that the Bible condemns." This truth brings up some interesting points. Perhaps a group that teaches "every kind of bestiality" is doing more damage to our country than it appears to. How are Christian morals supposed to stand up to that much evil?
The next important group who is trying to destroy America is the feminists. Many feminists I spoke to told me that they simply wanted things like equal wages and fair treatment, but their thinly veiled hatred for America falls before Mr. Robertson, who knows their true agenda, "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." This came as a big surprise to me. The most scalding argument that can be brought up against these shameless people is the truth. Would 9/11 have happened if we didn't allow child murdering witches and socialist lesbians to walk freely in our society? I doubt it. Feminism has obviously lead to a rise in homosexuality in our country. Across the board, the great leaders of America have agreed the homosexuality is one of the worse sins, even comparing it to Satanism. Says Pat Robertson to Orlando Florida after their gay pride parade, "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you." Not only are these "people" (if you could call them that) partially responsible for the tragedy of 9/11, but also for the terrible hurricanes that wreaked such havoc in our gulf coast. How much longer can we allow them to walk free? Many groups have risen to try and defend these abominations. One of the most prominent is known as the American Civil Liberties Union or ACLU. This group is likely the most brazen of these hate groups. This group even went so far as to force Reverend Falwell to apologize for his comments blaming the events of 9/11 on the pagans, gays and feminists. In reference to 9/11, America's hero said, "The ACLU has got to take a lot of blame for this." It is time for the ACLU to take responsibility for it's heinous crimes. The last group specifically named by Falwell is People for the American Way, a group I was unfamiliar with. Upon looking on their website, I quickly learned why they made the list. The first thing I see as I look on their homepage is, "Don't White-wash White House Abuses!" in reference to the illegal warrant-less wire taps that were conducted in the past several months. All of my suspicions of them hating America were affirmed in my first five seconds on the site. But that was just the tip of an immoral iceberg floating around on their web site. Promoting things like, "Constitutional Liberties, Civil Rights & Equal Rights, and Religious Freedom". This organization has taken everything that we Christian Americans hold dear and twisted it and turned it on its head, having entire pages dedicated to illegal wire taps. This group was likely mentioned last in Falwell's speech because they hate America the most. Encourages the site, "Oppose the Nomination of Brett Kavanaugh!" This is preposterous beyond measure. It is common knowledge that disagreeing with the president in a time of war is giving aid and comfort to our enemy. And yet, this group openly encourages Americans to exercise their, "Inalienable Rights" by writing to their senators and representatives. This is perhaps again what happens when the constitution is in the hands of atheists and pagans. Any God-fearing man who reads about these awful people who are allowed to walk free in our country should ask, "What can I do to stop these domestic terrorists from ruining our country and turning our children gay?" While grabbing our pitch forks and torches might be the first thing that comes to mind, we turn to Reverend Robertson for advice, "They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have...and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation." Who but such a Godly man could come up with such a perfect idea for the purification of America? Upon reading these words I knew that this would literally be the Final Solution to Americas problems. A "Godly fumigation" is exactly what this country needs to dispose of the termites, ticks, leeches, and parasites that sneak into our system. Some would have us believe that God loves our enemies, and that we should therefore not try to exterminate them wherever they have infested. Says Nobel-Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu, "If we are truly to understand that God loves all of us, we must recognize that He loves our enemies, too. God does not share our hatred, no matter what offense we may have endured." Please do not be fooled by this snake in Christian clothing, because Desmond Tutu is, in Jerry Falwell's words, a "phony". Instead, we must be assured that it is our calling directly from God to exterminate every America hating, scum sucking terrorist out there, from gays trying to make a family to the school teacher who changed the words to "Silent Night". An un-named wise man once said, "Strength lies not in defense but in attack." And if the people of God do not attack then they will be overtaken by blood- thirsty feminists and abortionist pagans. That wise man later went on to say, "What good fortune for governments that the people do not think." It is the duty and calling of every Christian man and woman to take advantage of that man's observation and stop the toils of thinking and act! It is time for the fumigation called for by Pat Robertson and other Christ-like leaders. In closing, we must never lose sight of the vision the founders of this Christian nation had. When foreigners invade and attempt to change the way that the country is run, everyone loses and it will surely be to the destruction of America.
Un named wise man is Hitler BTW = ]
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