well, this morning i was awoken hastily by some dickhead blasting music from his car.  Slipknot would have been ok.  Disturbed would have been ok.  The Marshall Tucker Band would have been ok.  Buuuuut NO! This jag bag decides its just fine to cruise around at 7:45 in the morning blasting "love train".  You know the song.  Think back to those annoying Coors commericials, where exhausted and famished folks are suddenly refreshed by the "silver bullet" a.k.a. a can of Coors.  Along with quenching their thirst, the Coors taste rides into town on a train covered in frost.  Obviously the train is what makes people purchase beer.  Its not the taste of the Coors product, but rather a ficticious train that looks like it was a reject from the set of the polar express. 

The point is, being startled awake by "love train" got me thinking about two things. 1. the horrible feeling of a punch in the dick. 2. egons unicat has been lending an open ear to people's views on a very serious issue hitting the national music scene. So, I feel its now time to extend this question to the virtual word abound.

DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THE BAND TRAIN?

now think about it.  at first, you may laugh, at first you may smile.  But we want you actually consider this.  Train has supposedly sold millions of records, supposedly toured countless cities. And supposedly amassed a giant fan base.

......but have they?

we are of the opinion that there is a some type of conspiracy floating around.  The record companies have gotten wise to the fact that people are sick of big choruses and even bigger egos.  They understand that the American public has seen it all when it comes to shitty music.  We think the public disgust for bad tunes has actually offended the record companies.  They record companies felt like they had a system that worked.  They take a brand of music. Water it down. Then copy it over and over and over.  All the while making tons o cash.  The record companies felt happy because they made millions, and felt the American public was happy because they had something to fill their otherwise silent lives.  But now the American public wants more. They are tired of the gracious favor the big record companies have been doing for them.  So they decide to start stealing music that they like by way of free downloads instead of buying it.  Arrrggg. this offends the record companies.  So. its time to strike back.  The record companies try law suites and fail. They try regulating the internet and fail.  So, they resort to the last option.  Its time to punish the  ungrateful American public.  The plan has to be big.  It has to be something monumental.  It has to hurt so bad you wish that you were being startled awake by "love train" at 7:45 in the morning instead.

So the record companies decide to take a watered down style of music.....and make it even worse!  Oh yeah! they are gonna make this one reeeeaaally bad.  They will make a style of music that is so terrible, no one will actually listen to it.  And then here's the twist.  The record companies will put the music everywhere. On the radio, music videos, even the background music in your favorite movies.  Then, the record companies will boast high record sales, high ticket sales, and giant fan bases.  Once the American public sees all the publicity, they will lose faith in mankind, and feel like one collective bunch of dumbasses.  This will make the American public pay for their ungratefulness.  So, the record companies go down to their secret labs.  Craft a plan for the band.  Search the country for countless hours seeking out the biggest douchebags they can find.  And finally, one day, IT IS COMPLETE! And the drops of jupiter begin to rain down on the unsuspecting American public.

So, egons is out to crack this conspiracy. We are out to bring down the monster known as train.  But. We need your help.  We need to you to answer one simple question.  Do you listen to train? Each "no" answer we get will bring us one answer closer to proving that no one actually listens to train.  If this is true, then so is the conspiracy!

So answer the question people, its your American duty.

-Tim of the Cat