I tried out for american idol a few months ago.  I did not make the cut.  I knew it would be hard.  I knew I didn't like waiting in line.  I knew I could do it.  Many people told me I could win and it was inspiring.  It is not my style to be so pop culture but the incentives are strong; a short cut to the top, a shortcut to fame and fortune, to never have trouble booking another gig, a shortcut to power…. to be heard … and I feel I have something so say….

            When the show first came out I was forced to reexamine my idea of music.  american idol is a tv show.  It is not concerned with emotion, art, or truth.  It is concerned with entertaining and dollars signs.  My love of music comes from emotion, speaking one's mind, the power to persuade.  I am a musician.  I am ok at being an entertainer but I prefer to be an artist.  I thought I could temporarily forsake this love, play the game and dance, monkey, dance.

            After registering the day before at 6:30 am I arrived at 6 am to wait in line for a few hours outside the wachovia center in Philadelphia before being herded inside to my seat.  20 minutes of orientation, 10 minutes of huge cheesy crowd singing, then 10 hours of waiting my turn.  I had planned on singing "happy birthday," the ultimate audition song.  My hours of waiting and thinking about different songs and my 20 seconds to impress the judges led me to change my song to Billy Taylor's "I Wish I Knew." 

            There were people dancing.  There were people dressed up funny. There was not much soul.  My audition came.  It was my turn.  I waited 3 seconds to make some space.  They wanted immediate singing.  My starting pitch was too low.  They were not impressed.  They were tired.  I wanted to be free.

            After being told "no thank you" I ran to my car.  The air outside was much sweater and my life I was prepared to abandon was head and shoulders above their game.  I did not like being there.  It was a learning experience; glad to have done it, glad to be done with it. 

            The next day I played a show with my band (www.entrain.com) in front of 500 people.  I was much happier.  Still lamenting on what I could have done different to make the cut, nobody likes to be told "no."

            I had not had a single moment of regret that I am not a part of that circus until a few days ago.  I saw an ad on tv.  I remembered the power the winner has.  I remember my few good reasons to try out.   I still want to be heard.  I still have things to say….