He/She looks healthy.
I've known him/her for a long time.
He/She doesn't have a lot of sex.
He's/She's not like that.
He's/She's not gay or bi.
I trust him/her.
Recognize those phrases? No? Perhaps you haven't spoken to people who have found themselves infected by HIV or an STD (sexually transmitted disease). People who find themselves in that position frequently repeated one or many of those phrases just before they were infected. And we're not talking about people with intravenous drug habits or bad transfusions. I'm talking about people of all social and economic classes; people who are dirt poor and people who are rich; white, black, red, yellow or mixtures; I'm talking about people like you.
And, quite possibly, I'm talking ABOUT you. People who put their heads in the sand to ignore a threat to their very lives. How many times have YOU looked at a lover and thought to yourself "Well, I'm sure we don't need a condom, he/she looks fine". Yeah, let's just get to the main course, here! Let's get down to action! And, hell, even if I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea, I can be easily convinced not to use a condom! After all…
He/She looks healthy.
I've known him/her for a long time.
He/She doesn't have a lot of sex.
He's/She's not like that.
He's/She's not gay or bi.
I trust him/her.
Okay, so let's just admit right now you're an idiot and don't care about your health. Worse, you don't care about the health of anyone you love or will love. Let's just admit it and you can stop reading this blog right now.
You don't need me to tell you the horrors of dying from AIDs. I don't need to give you statistics or medical reports, there's plenty of material out there for you to look up. But most of you won't. Again, head in the sand. If you just ignore it, it won't affect you. And, I'm sure, very very very few of you have actually considered how your life would change if you did, indeed, contract HIV. Even with the medication, how much your life will actually changed. And, again worse, many of you have no idea what HIV and AIDS really are and how they are connected to each other.
You could google it. You could look it up. I, personally, recommend going to the horses mouth. An AIDS hospice or clinic; talk to those people who have AIDS. They'll give you a quick show and tell about what they live (and will likely die) with. But more than that, they'll tell you how they contracted it. And, as they tell you their story, at some point you'll hear yourself; you'll see your own actions; and if you're lucky, you'll realize you are looking at someone no different than you.
Keep in mind that no one ever got sexually transmitted HIV from someone who was infected. Huh? Read it again; no one ever got sexually transmitted HIV from someone who was infected. Get what I'm saying? Put it this way, no one ever got HIV by sleeping with someone they knew had HIV. They got it by sleeping with someone who absolutely could not be infected. So they thought.
And, I'll repeat, we're talking about EVERYONE. No matter where you are right now, look around at everyone around you. I'm talking about THEM. And, if there is a reflective surface near you, look at your reflection and realize I'm talking about YOU.
Still with me? Why? I mean, I'm not telling you anything you want to hear. In fact, I'm telling you things that you'd rather not hear. Things you'd rather believe don't affect you, about something that isn't a part of your world, something that happens to other people. And if you believe any of that, even in the most secret chambers of your mind, you are an idiot.
Have I been blunt enough? Okay, let me put it very simply. If you don't wear a condom, or DEMAND that your partner wear a condom, you are an absolute moron. I don't care how long you have known the person, I don't care how close you are as friends, there is no way you will ever know everything about this person or that they will tell you everything. I don't care what stories you have been told or what you want to believe. You are an absolute F'in moron.
Especially if you're a woman. Whoa, Steve just said something sexist… no, I'll repeat it: ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A WOMAN. YOU maintain the control here. YOU are allowing your body to be violated. YOU choose whether that thing goes in there or not. Of course, we're not talking about rape, we're talking about consensual sex. YOU control that, much more than the guy. If he's already an idiot, there's nothing you can do to enlighten him. But you can prevent him from proving you're just as stupid. Give him the old phrase: no glove, no love. And stand by it. No matter what he says, no matter what kind of assurances, no matter if he tells you that he just got tested; without the proof, no glove, no love.
Well. Obviously I have no sense of romance, do I? I have no trust in people, do I? The moment happens and, hell, why ruin it by talking about icky medical things?
You idiot.
Even if you plan on being in a monogamous relationship with this person, until you have been tested and your partner has been tested and you can VERIFY your partner's testing, use the damn condom.
But wait, you (and your stupid partner) will say… testing is so involved and takes time. You idiot… I can guarantee you that the minor inconvenience of testing is far far less than the repercussions of being wrong. HIV testing is very common around the country. Your doctor can do it or there are many clinics which will do it.
For example, here in Los Angeles, there is a thrift store called "Out of the Closet". Yes, a thrift store, just like Goodwill and the like. Great toss-away items for bargain prices. The difference is that profits from "Out of the Closet" got to AIDs care. I've taken a lot of my things to them and I will continue to do so. But one of the most amazing things they do is offer FREE HIV TESTING.
I was at one of the stores a while back during one of their testing periods. A few things I saw of interest. First of all, they don't rush through this. Each testing takes about a half hour to see the results and during that half hour, you sit with a legal health counselor just in case. As a result of the half hour per customer, a wait list will quickly form (so get there before the actual time they begin to get on the list). I also noticed that couples were coming in together. One couple couldn't get on the list that day, but they made sure they got a referral for another clinic. It seemed obvious that this couple was SMART and, hey, they even looked like they were having fun; in it together, making this part of the adventure of falling in love. Then there was the guy who was an ass. He came in and they didn't have room for him for another two hours. He became pissed off, saying "I just put money in the meter, and you're telling me I can't get tested for two hours???" The woman explained to him the process, but that didn't matter. "Don't you think it's a little unfair to make me wait?" As he stormed out, he passed by me and… hell, I couldn't resist. I said "And it's also free, asshole". He didn't acknowledge me, just kept on going. Okay, he gets a push; points for seeking the test but loses points for attitude. Still… he WAS looking to get tested. The couple gets a full score; they were there, they were determined and they were still ENJOYING the process as an adventure.
The point is that NO ONE has any excuse to NOT get tested. But everyone who has AIDS will give you a list of excuses you CAN use to get infected. They will give you that list sadly, but as a warning.
He/She looks healthy.
I've known him/her for a long time.
He/She doesn't have a lot of sex.
He's/She's not like that.
He's/She's not gay or bi.
I trust him/her.
As many of you know, I have a girlfriend. She is a wonderful person, absolutely incredible. She impresses the hell out of me every day I know her. But the first time we were in bed, about to do the deed, she stopped everything and said to me "Do you have a condom?"
Damn. I can't tell you how impressed I was when she said that. And she said it before I said it, with no worry about spoiling the romantic mood or giving me the impression she didn't trust me. In fact, just the opposite. But if I had resisted her, I know full well what would have happened. Nothing. There was no mistake, she wasn't about to take that risk, no matter who I was.
This woman is no idiot. She's smart. She's responsible. She's worthy of my trust. And that makes her sexy as all get out.
So, how about you?
He/She looks healthy.
I've known him/her for a long time.
He/She doesn't have a lot of sex.
He's/She's not like that.
He's/She's not gay or bi.
I trust him/her.
Just something to think about. And if you don't think about it… you are an idiot.