OK, once again I must begin with last night's events...as if things could get any more insane on this rally....

I went to the bar for a beer. I went outside for a smoke. Lo and behold, this dude saunters up and introduces himself after borrowing my lighter to fire up his joint. He proceeds to drag me (kicking and screaming, I might add) around the corner to a STRIP CLUB I had no idea was there! In the same building as our hotel, no less! He's there hangin with his buddies from work, all who will remain nameless and are employed by a nameless company in town working as riggers in the black gold industry. They buy a few rounds and we see both dancers. The first one, Katrina Nightshade, was really sweet and had some good pole tricks. I sat at her rack and tipped her and she gave me a poster and autographed it. "To: Arctic Challengers. Good luck racing! I love things that go fast and hard. -Katrina XXX." The second girl was hotter, but not as nice, and then the bartender called last call, so it was time for plan B.

A couple more of these guys' buddies show up and we call a cab to head downtown to The Alaskan. So there I am, riding around in a cab with six 20-something, way-too-clean-cut-to-be-workin-on-oil-derricks dudes, and we're all singing along and rockin' out to Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine." I glance over at the driver, who is calmly sipping his coffee. We make eye contact and he shakes his head. I do the same at least once every night I bartend. I understand.

So, The Alaskan is cool, and a few of us end up in the back smoking room. The front of the bar is almost empty, but the small back room is packed with what appears to be the REAL old-timers who do the REAL dirty work on the oil rigs. All eyes are on our out-of-place group. One of the brighter of the bunch says quietly under his breath, "We look way to preppie to be in here. We're gonna get the shit kicked out of us if we don't get outta here."

So we enjoy a few more rounds in the safe area of the bar and I call a cab to get back to my hotel. But of course, not before being propositioned by the first dude, and the oldest of the group, who started this night off. Luckily, all the younger guys were perfect gentlemen, and made sure I got home safely.

This morning came way too quickly. Gas, food, hit the road for our last stage.

The incessant radio chatter from some of our fellow competitors had been getting to me since the start of this thing. I had one mere frayed nerve ending left in my brain, and they hit it this morning. I don't need to know when people are pulling over to go pee. I don't care about how they're getting home. This is not emergency information that everyone needs or wants to hear on our leisurely drives through the mountains. I borrowed one of my favorite quotes from my favorite coworker, Mikey Sha Sha.

I grabbed the mic, pressed the button, and firmly stated, "Is there something wrong with the things in your brains that tell you people when to shut the fuck up?"

I got an instant smart-ass reply, "Woah, somebody didn't get their coffee this morning."

I wasn't done. "I got my coffee. But I don't need to know if you had yours, and if it made you go number 1 or number 2, or what STD's you might be carrying, either."

The radio was almost completely silent for the next few hours on our way to start our last stage of the rally.

We sailed through admirably, except for a wrong turn into what they described as an airport in the middle of nowhere on a hilltop. I prepared a plastic bag of roadside snow for chilling our champagne. The drive to Jasper through the national park was lovely. I had no idea Jasper was smack in the middle of this park. I'm hoping I can convince Paul to stop for a couple attractions on the way home tomorrow. The park system up here looks absolutely phenomenal and breathtaking. (Now that he's fully recovered, almost, from the Alcan Plague.)

We finished! We won! We drank champagne and relaxed in the jacuzzi. We're preparing for a night of festivities, so don't expect more pix to go up before I return home.

Thank you all for your interest, love and support! But most of all, thank you Buddha, Jesus, Nuestra Madre, Krishna, Zeus & Hera, etc, etc.

-Kala

Soundtrack: Modest Mouse, Scissor Sisters, Einstruzende Neubauten

Phrase of the Day: This IS NOT the AIRPORT!!!